So Long Party Girl

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That moment when you realize you’re outgrowing your “Party Girl” lifestyle. Although its been months since I’ve voiced my thoughts out to anything or anyone other than my therapist, I think I needed that time to figure some things out simply by living them. Recent chains of events have been occurring such as meeting a man with eye contact so alluring I could have gotten myself off just by staring at him. After some time to discover more about him, I because intimidated and realized he is out of my league, which was such a depressing thought. Me, the life of any party, wasn’t good enough. I could never be with this man because inside I felt he was too good for me. My insecurity would get the best of me surely. I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I didn’t feel like much of a catch. When I look in the mirror and realize how unflattering my body is and I only get away with so much due to my outgoing personality which I rely on booze to compensate for, my musical talent, and my desperate attempt at attention by wearing outlandish costumes. I have finally realized its time to make a change. I’m giving up booze for 30 days. Going to attempt to stick to a low carb diet or at least healthier foods, and Justin has managed to get me to start vaping. It will be a process, but I think I’m finally ready to change. So long childhood, I’m ready.

“There comes a point when you start to feel like you’ve sat on one too many rooftops, puffed one too many Marlboro Reds with one too many drugged-up friends and you realize this life is as shallow as tumblers of watered-down vodka. It’s vacuous and dry. -Once the party is over in your party-girl soul, it’s over forever. You want something more tangible — a career — something to be proud of. You want to complete projects and gain respect from superiors, not complete drinks and gain the respect of bouncers.” – Gigi Engle

“Was this my wake-up call? Being a party girl is about being surrounded by people, but it’s really a very lonely pursuit.” “Despite all the eyeliner and high heels and blow jobs, being a party girl is really about extending your childhood, by hiding under the cover of what a child’s idea of being an adult is like. Being a party girl is a way of putting off figuring out who you are, what you believe, what your values are. Most days, I think of the time I wasted as a tragedy — the books I could have written! The trips I could have taken! The non-philandering guys I could have dated! — but sometimes, I think I needed that extra time. If I had gone directly from my childhood into adulthood, I don’t think I would have liked the adult I would have become.” –