in no particular order:

1. she’s a freakin’ packrat, and she wants me to be one too. she’s constantly sending me newspaper clippings about things that i don’t care about, and is now emailing me articles and mailing me hard copies. argh.

2. she’s so damn proper that she sounds like a joke. a very scary joke.

3. she hates the fact that i have an online journal, and refuses to read it. if she hears from anyone that i said anything about her, she sends me emails such as this one: “As I have stated in the past, I do not want to even be mentioned in your “web diary”. It is one thing for one to express one’s private thoughts and feelings in a bound diary one keeps under lock and key from all except the author; it is quite another thing to post one’s feelings-of-the-moment regarding others on the Internet. In short, unless you have someone’s permission or that person is fair game due to their fame or notoriety, the derogatory words, if written, are libel. Yes, you are entitled to your opinions of me, Kit, Cheers, etc., but you are legally not entitled to broadcast them on your Internet site.”

4. she has no interest in supporting me at all. she goes on these binges where she wants to help – but she never follows through. it’s really annoying.

5. she complains constantly about my me, but doesn’t do anything about it – besides trying to send me off to military camp. yeah, that’s definitely the best solution.

6. she refuses to go to a counselor, but she takes all sorts of anti-depressants.

7. she’s the most “modest” person ever. “oh, no, you really shouldn’t. i don’t want to ruin your plans.” blah blah blah.

8. she thinks her life is so bad. “PITY ME PITY ME” which is so wrong. She is the largest neat freak i’ve ever met, But refuses to be independent and on her own, depending on men and family for money and to support her.

9. she’s never had to work for a living before, yet she knows everything about holding down a full-time job while taking classes. suuuure.

10. she lives vicariously through me, which i hate.

there’s much more, but now i’m too depressed to keep going. ;P


The cries of outrage have not been heard! My throat goes sore with my yelling and proclomations, and still, you have heard nothing. There must be made a change! There must be made a difference! This downfall has continued for longer than any other can enjoy, and not even I can bother to watch it’s slide continue. The great tides will fall upon your wasted bodies, and will it feel great if you know the tide was brought upon yourself by yourself, or by others you know not of?

There must be room for a change! There is room for a change! Stand upon the bloodied rocks of mimesis and allow them to crush under your weight of genuinity! Take this downfall, and push it to it’s end! Open the eyes of the blind with a great crashing shout from a group of seers! In one great voice! Take us down! Tumultus.


Oh! Dear God! Why have you forsaken in me in my times of need? I begged for an ecclesiastical miracle to befall my eyes, to save my faith, to save me. And yet; none followed. And now, when times have become there worst I have shunned your name, denied your existence, and I am shunned more now than ever. And yet; I am lead to believe in you. I am led to worship you. You, who it seems, are the very source for all that is wrong and evil. You, who are all knowing and all giving and all loving, have brought about a plague of hate as opposed to a spring of love. More minds have been closed to your name than any other name. More lives have been lost to your vanity than to any other kings. And more division has been brought about the greatness of mankind than any other devil. Thus; you are the leading force of man’s great fall. Thus; you are devil whom we all shun. Thus; you are the source of destruction to all that is good and kind. I’d thank you, had we not killed you.

A Night on the Town

Black ribbons float above the Crimson Tide.
Orange moon upon faded stars,
and Venus cries for them.
The Boatman rows against an eternal sea.
Wood creaks and water rises,
the old man’s face gives way to laughter.


What powers declared this suffering upon my soul?
Sadly enough-
It is all that may be known to me.
But for some lost hope,
remaining still.
And the possibilities of damned loneliness continue,
lingering within these hands.
god of the lost people!
And you wonder why I pray thee not.



Crying sobs of lonely tears.
Gnawing, gnawing, at my heart.
Lovely dear, to hold you near.
Feel your warmth against my soul.
The fabric of your being.
She is blind to the love.
Cringing, cringing, at the pain.
Falling, falling, but no in vain.


Life would seem easier
if you loved me too.
Life would taste finer
if seasoned in his blood.

Perhaps jealousy blinds me.
Mayhaps freedom’s origin lies elsewhere.
But forgiveness I can never try.
I’ve forgiven and remembered–
I find it difficult to forget scars.
I’ve forgiven in words;
hated in heart.

Through it all, my lovely dove,
you have flown about me.
Tree to tree;
Limb to limb;
Away from me.

Masked in friendship
you feed me poison.
Cloaked in benevolence
you shatter me once more.
Speaking of love
you stab me from the front.
Begging forgiveness
you twist your blade.

Allow my simple melody to take you.
Permit this infantile attempt at poetry to break you.
Grant me to destroy you.

I have let go.


Words be written under weary hands.
Truths spoke in fear.
To rant and rave.
Does she want it so?
Or are these words a nuisance?
Something she never wished to hear.
Though she feels it greatly.



I’ve felt seen the sun collapse.
I heard the screams that come from death.
Ridden the carriage, tasted the blood, felt the blade, screamed in vain.
All of these I’ve done, and more.
I carry the scars of battles I never fought.

My Pain

Imagine yourself trapped in a block of ice,
suffering an eternal heart attack.
Through the frozen glass you other.
Others with their warm joy.
You try t ocall out–give a signal–
–yet you go by unnoticed.
Your movements confined;
Only your tears can roll.
Soon these tears fill up the small space you have.
It soon reaches passed your nose–
–your last orifice capable of bringing air to the frozen lungs.
You drown.
Drown on your own tears,
Given no notice.
Drowning for an eternity.

The Bottom-Feeder

Oh how the little ickle bottom-feeder
hath taken residency upon my hopes.
As if feeding from my very dreams.

“Lo! You rump grazer! What hath born you upon my shadowy endurance?”

Indubitably the backside-nibbler gave no response.
Merely resting and feeding off my woolgathering.
And so I deserted my scrutinizations.
Leaving myself to my palliative and ale.

Love Sucks



Love Sucks

No, I don’t believe in love at first sight because love is an evil plot to make people buy alcohol and firearms. When you love someone something it is always taken away from you. I also would like to add that I hate each and every one of you. Because everything I touch turns to shit. I think if you think you fall in love with someone at first sight it might just be lust. Love at first sight is only in movies. Where the people in the movies are better than you. That is why you go to a pone [pawn] shop and buy an AK-15 because you are going to execute every last mother fucking one of you. If I had a heart it would be gray.

It is easier to hate than love. Because there is much more hate and misery in the world than there is love and peace. Some people say that you should love everyone. But that is impossible. Look at our history it is full of death, depression, rape, wars and diseases. I also do not believe in love at first sight. But I do believe in hate at first sight. Therefore love is a much harder feeling to experience.

I really wouldn’t know how to answer this question because my cold black heart has never and never will experience true love. I can tell you one about love. It does more harm than good. I plan to live in a big black hole. My firearms and self destructive behavior will be the only things to fight my isolation. I would also like to point out Love is a horrible thing. It makes things kill and hate.

The Day We Met


MassMurder- Killers Start Sad and Crazy

I will Hunt you down and put a hold in your head. With Explosives. You Hear Me? Power To The Shampoo!
I have spent days trying to figure out what I want to say. I have crumpled up dozens of pieces of paper and disregarded even more ideas. I have thought about what I could say that might make people feel just a little bit better. But I have come to the realization that it really doesn’t matter what I say. Because there is nothing I can do to take away any of the pain and destruction I have caused. I absolutely loved my parents and had no reason in my mind to think about killing them. I had no reason to dislike, corupt, or torture anyone. It was all in my head. All the hate I had at the world comes out it in my emotions in the wrong way, ruining my sanity, tearing slits my mind. I am truly sorry that this has happened. I have gone back in my mind hundreds of times and changed one detail, one small event so this never would have happened. I wish I could. I take full responsibility for my actions. These events have pulled me down into a state of deterioration and self-loathing that I didn’t know existed. I am very sorry for everything I have done, and for what I have become.

– Mina Kaye

Hey, i asked Haley, her birthday is on May 15th, meaning our first interaction was on on the 8th, and our first kiss on the 15th. whee

First Interaction: May 8th
(Which would have been the whole Necklace thingy)
Our First Kiss: May 14th.