Poser Punk

Standard

Poser Punk
So you think you’re truly punk rock
Because you listen to Blink a lot
But have you ever heard of Diesel Boy, Lagwagon or Limp
No I guess not

So now you’re wearing our clothes
And you’re coming to our shows
A broken wrist and a broken nose are souvenirs from our shows
Poser punk that’s what you get

So you think you’re truly punk rock
Because you listen to Blink a lot
A broken wrist and a broken nose are souvenirs from our shows
Poser punk that’s what you get

How to be Avril
Step one: Be a cheerleader in highschool.
Step two: Start singing country, but switch to pop music when mtv decides they want to start a “like totally punk rawk” look.
Step three: Go buy a boys wife beater shirt.
Step four: Steal one of your dads ties, and money and go buy some pink converse because they are just so cute.
Step five: Wear bracelets up to your elbows for that whole restricted look.
Step six: Call yourself punk until you realize that seventy percent of the teenage group wants to ring your neck, then take it back.
Step seven: Claim you dont wear makeup. Its ok, just say your ancestors were racoons.
Step eight: Create a website like alavigne.com
Step nine: Destroy punk.
Step ten: Get fans that come to my website and lower their IQ’s to something below their shoe size

Robin Williams – “God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to
run both at the same time.”

Fuckin’ Posers… I HATE THIS TOWN. They don’t even know what Punk is. They scream into a microphone, to the point, where you can’t understand the lyrics, and wear the clothes just as a fashion statement, and call themselves punk. Punk isn’t clothes, and not completely music. ITS A FUCKING WAY OF LIFE YOU DAMN BURLINGTON IOWA WIGGERS. A message, a statement, not a crazy dance move to where you hit someone in the gonads. Then you wonder why I flip you off in public…
12:21 AM

How to spot a poser/punk rock fabrications
By Kevin Prostitute and Amy the Yodeling Call Girl

You all know what we’re talking about. Either you’re truly punk or you’re one of the people who’s shit we’re on to. My guess would be the latter. We all know you have rich fucking parents. We all know you were a jock in high school, turned fat (or lost weight, it can work either way) and ugly, and the only way out was to pose as a punk rock freak. Well, you little faggots hiding behind your record collections, leopard print shirts and leather pants, we, who are smarter and much more real than you, have been compiling a list of lies that you all tell and are about to put the truth out there. You’ll never be able to tell someone that you lived on the streets when you were younger without thinking in the back of your head that someone out there knows you’re a fucking liar. Enough of the blank; let’s get down to the list.

LIE LIST
1. “I ran away when I was in high school and had to live on the streets for years.”

2. “I’ve spent a lot of time in jail.”

3. “I don’t do that shit… I had a friend that got really fucked up on it.”

4. “Man, we were doing tons of drugs and liquor all night dude.”

5. “We pack ‘em in; we’ve played to like 800 people before.”

6. “I am punk rock/Yeah, I play guitar.”

7. “I’ve been listening to this stuff since I was in second grade.”

8. “I hung out with Duane Peters/Marky Ramone/Blag Dahlia/Jello Biafra.”

9. “I got all of these tattoos because I really like them, not because everyone else does it.”

10. “Man, did you see all those chick’s hangin’ all over me after the show? I’ve got a huge dick.”

Explanation List
1. When did you find time to enroll in college? Were you really out on the streets? Chances are it went down like this: Your dad says “Stop calling your mom a bitch, or you can get the hell out of here.” You say “Okay”, and then you go tell your friends that your parents kicked you out. You spend two nights at your friends house and come back home. FYI, that’s not living in the streets. I don’t remember ever seeing a homeless person wearing eyeliner, leather, and leopard print.

2. Twelve hours isn’t a lot of time, and visiting friends and relatives doesn’t count. (Neither does monopoly, fucko)

3. Being the loser that you are, you probably don’t have any friends in the first place. Johnny Thunders doesn’t count as a friend, dipshit. It’s good to see that you found a way to improvise on Nancy Regan’s JUST SAY NO tactics and find a way to avoid looking like a peer pressure looser. Maybe some more time at McDonald’s will do you some good after all.

4. Pot, Acid, and PBR are not drugs. I REPEAT: THESE ARE NOT DRUGS! Whenever you mention that you did drugs and are not specific, it’s a sure give away that you were just smoking pot, which every fucking hippy and businessman would be considered a drug addict if it were really a drug. And don’t give me any of that VIVARIN shit either. Still not a drug.

5. HaHaHaHaHaHaHa!!!! Maybe an accumulation of your shows over the past three years. And having the same loser people in other bad bands that play at the same venue the same night don’t count as “packin’ em in”. Just because your friends say they like you doesn’t mean you’re any fucking good. When was the last time you lied to one of your friends?..exactly….

6. If you are punk rock, then why do you have to tell me? This isn’t some new invention. And if you can play guitar, why the fuck aren’t you in a band that I’ve heard of? And why don’t you have a guitar?

7. Unless your mother was Nancy Spungen, I don’t fucking buy it. You grew up in suburbia listening to fucking Wham! and Hall and Oats just like the rest of the free world. And who cares if you’ve liked a band longer than anyone you know? Are we in a contest? Oh… that’s just you. I won’t even get into the t-shirt part. (band shirts are lame)

8. WHO THE FUCK HASN’T? The only thing that makes my story better is that I can’t remember it.

9. Oh really? Admit you got them because of that Red Hot Chili Peppers video. Oh, wait, maybe we’re wrong, we forgot, you’re waaaaaaaaay into Social “D”.

10. Chances are if you’re telling me that you have a huge dick, it’s a centimeter long. And no, I didn’t see them talking to you. You were talking to them. And didn’t you go home alone to your parents’ basement with the beef jerky and Swank Confidential that you picked up at the 7-11?

Top Ten Songs for Spring
American Dream ( The Stepmothers )
I hate cops (The Authorities)
I wanna destroy you (The Soft Boys)
Another girl, another planet ( The Only Ones)
Antisocial (Screwdriver)
Pack your bags (The Bodies)
Caught in my eye (Germs)
Rock n Roll Nigger (Patti Smith)
Jet Boy, Jet Girl (Damned)
Cheree (Suicide)