69 Crazy Things To Do In The Mall


Wednesday June 30, 2004


69 Crazy Things To Do In The Mall


  1. Walk in a single-file line, in step with the person in front of you.
  2. When you come to the benches in the middle of the mall, walk on top of them instead of going around them.
  3. Ask the salespeople in the stores where the uniforms they wear are sold in the store (for example, in Bath and Body Works ask where you can buy their vests)
  4. Ride a hobby-horse around the mall, holding the reins and yelling, “Whoa Betsy!”
  5. Talk in third person at all times.
  6. Carry a Pez dispenser and offer strangers a Pez.
  7. Wear camouflage and sneak around like you think no one can see you.
  8. If the loudspeaker comes on, tell the voices in your head to shut up.
  9. When asked if you need help continue yelling out “WHAT?!?!”
  10. Wear a fake sheriff badge and carry around a stack of post-it notes writing up tickets and warnings to people walking down the mall.
  11. Randomly throw temper tantrums.
  12. Walk 5 ft. behind someone at all times. When he/she enters a store wait at the entrance of the store until he/she comes back out.
  13. When walking, walk in a perfectly straight line, only turning at 90 degree angles.
  14. Add “ong” to the end of every word you use when you speak to the salespeople.
  15. In every store you enter that is not a department store, ask where the lingerie department is.
  16. Be a still model in a store that doesn’t sell clothes.
  17. Accuse someone of stealing your bag.
  18. Go in 579 and ask for size 13.
  19. Skip or gallop wherever you go.
  20. Say punctuation out loud. For example, say, “Ma’am comma would you please help me find a pink comma red comma and blue shirt question mark?”
  21. At all times pretend to have an imaginary friend. When asked if you need help begin by gesturing to the air next to you and saying, “Well, my friend here…”
  22. Go in a store with a friend who pretends to be deaf. Ask the salesperson if he/she will help your deaf friend find the right clothes while you go to the bathroom.
  23. When in the bathroom stall suddenly exclaim, “Corn! When did I eat corn?”
  24. Wear a motorcycle helmet and have a bike lock. Pretend to park your motorcycle when you enter a store.
  25. Carry a tablecloth and picnic basket. Order take-out at the Food Court and spread out you tablecloth in the middle of the mall and enjoy your meal.
  26. When asked “May I help you?” bow or curtsey.
  27. Walk up to someone you don’t know and pretend to know them. Continue for as long as you can.
  28. Take a tootsie pop and hold it like a microphone in a person’s face. Ask him/her how many licks it takes him/her to get to the center of a tootsie pop.
  29. Ask a passerby to scratch your back for you. If they do, make obscene noises when they do so.
  30. Try to get everybody in line to do the Chicken Dance.
  31. Go with a friend. Join yourselves together with one of those things parents attach to their children’s wrists.
  32. If you’re a female, drag your purse behind you. Pull on it and pat your leg, saying “Hurry up old boy!”
  33. Ask the cashier if you could ring your purchase up.
  34. Ask if they accept credit cards and then pay cash.
  35. Bargain
  36. Barter
  37. Carry a rubber ducky with you. Pet him, talk in a baby voice to him, and set him down gently on the counter when you pay.
  38. In the food court ask if this seat is taken and then walk away.
  39. Carry around a can of EasyCheese. Randomly ask people, “Would you like cheese with that?”
  40. When walking down the center of the mall point at nothing and start laughing hysterically.
  41. Put down every store loudly as you exit by saying, “THIS PLACE SUCKS!”
  42. Take a baby doll with you and ask bystanders to baby-sit while you try on clothes.
  43. Constantly move your mouth as if you were talking.
  44. Sing opera-style everything you would normally say.
  45. Ask the Dollar Store if they have a lay-away plan.
  46. Buy one jelly bean at the candy store and have them weigh it.
  47. Take a Big Wheels and wear leather.
  48. Be very hostile when someone asks to help you.
  49. Walk in a weave (crossing each others path), this keeps strangers away, the more the better! Also, yell at those things that people put money in, and take the money out.
  50. Go in a store and ask a lot of question about one product. In the middle of the explanation, walk out.
  51. Buy a new bathing suit and swim in the fountain
  52. Bring a bunch of pants in to the dressing room. Come out later and tell the salesperson none of them are leak proof.
  53. Ask if a particular saw cuts through bone.
  54. Get on the first step of the stairs, wait, and tell other people the escalator must be broken.
  55. Ask the cashier if they take pesos.
  56. Ask the sales person in the pet store if gerbils come in bulk and if they have much white meat on them.
  57. Ride the elevator all day.
  58. Buy a bunch of clothes. Return them later, and when the salesperson asks why, say “they didn’t look good on my dog”
  59. Come in to the drug store looking depressed. Ask if they have over-the-counter prozac.
  60. Stay in the magazine store all day and read the magazines cover to cover.
  61. If you are a guy, go in to a women’s clothing store, and bring dresses into the dressing room with you. Come out, and in you’re most feminine voice say “they just aren’t me”
  62. Do cartwheels down the main part of the mall.
  63. Wear sunglasses, carry a cane, and set up a pot in front of you that says “help me, I’m blind” see how much money you can get.
  64. Test all the mattresses and beds.
  65. Go to sleep in the bed display at department stores. Stir and snore when people walk by.
  66. Ask to hold one of the dogs in the pet store. Let it escape.
  67. Go into Pier 1 and ask if they have any big pieces of junk made of straw.
  68. Knock over displays.
  69. Rock back and forth slowly in front of a security camera.
  70. . Ask to see the manager and introduce yourself as an inspector with the State Board of Health.

Posted 6/30/2004 at 1:36 AM


Wow, it’s amazing how many of these things i have done.  Being bored and living behind the mall… whew…


Posted 7/2/2004 at 1:46 AM by whatthehellsgoingon


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s