Tuesday August 31, 2004

Tuesday August 31, 2004
Saturday Sep 18th “Free show” The Barn Swallow
-Potential Ignorance
-Adonis Ross and the Fuckers
-Limited Truth Veiw /and or/ Crimson Shoreline

Friday September 10th BARN SWALLOW $3
From The Wreckage

Friday September 3rd BARN SWALLOW ($?)
CornMeal (Progessive BlueGrass) 9pm-12pm

Posted 8/31/2004 at 1:48 PM


Tuesday August 31, 2004 Nik & The Roofers



Tuesday August 31, 2004
aries horoscope

Your Tuesday Horoscope, MinaKaye!
Romance is featured today; as are some social commitments you would rather get out of. Try to combine a flirty friendship with those unavoidable, ordinary get-togethers. You will be happier this way.

So yesterday, when I came home I slept all afternoon, so I ended up staying up all night.. Until like 3 or 4 am… It really sucked. Cause then my dad woke me up for school and I so over slept. Had to walk to school. That shit is such a bitch. But I didn’t get a late thing. Pasted is as being in the office for my schedule. I’m so evil.  I really need some cash for school supplies. Cause otherwise I can’t get any of my work done. Mr Cahill has been really nice and loning me paper. I think he realizes that I don’t have school supplies, first impression should be that I can’t get them. And I tried looking for some spare notebooks around the house but cant find any.  We were talking about what we did over the summer. Everyone is so surprised I still have the same boyfriend. I am too. So everyone seems to realize that I am serious about this one.  I don’t know how I’m gonna handle school once it is a reguar schedule. Its gonna be a bitch, cause I can’t afford school lunch, and I won’t have transportation from my house to school this year. Perhaps that new teacher we have will possibly be lenient. I doubt it though. She seems like a real bitch, just hasn’t had anything to bitch about yet. We all miss ms mosbach. Me above all of them. Its awesome when your teachers are also your friends. She gave me so much space. Last year I had my own paints and never had to do the projects. She just let me do my own thing, but now, we aren’t even allowed to be in the cubbers. So much for doodling this year. And in art she made us do a montaug… BORING… magazine clippings and glue…. woop de doo. I’m so much more creative then this.  I feel useless. I kept thinking about Nik all day today. Wondering if we are even still together, cause the way his last entry sounded, he didn’t want a damn thing to do with me. I have guys lining up around the corner for me, and yet he’s the only one I want. I don’t have any interest in anyone else anymore. No one seems to be on the same level. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without him. I’d be lost with no hopes or dreams. He’s the future I want. Thats the only thing in life thats in concrete that I know I want… I guess I just feel so worthless after Allison came over yesterday bragging as usual about how her life is going so well, and she’s getting ahead of everyone else. Shes got her GED, shes going to collage, and working at the hospital. I would never be given that oppertunity, either that or I just wouldn’t be willing to take the risk. I wish I already had my High school degree and could go to college for whatever I want to be. But it just leaves me in a blank. I don’t even know what I want to be. Allison wants to be a lawyer, Nik wants to work in computer, Ryan wants to be in the army. And I’m stuck her with no direction, just constant worry of how I’m going to survive tomarrow. I’m not as on the edge as my father. I can’t continue to live like this. Paying the rent month to month, wondering where next months is going to come from, not having any spare cash for the nessessities. IT would be the greatest feeling to at least be financally stable. Thats all I’m asking for now…. and a clean house… LOL…  Whatever comes next I guess….

I finally got in touch with Nik after checking my email and walking up to Kirks constantly to use his phone…. I swear those damn roofers are hitting on me… Onry old men.. LOL … Anyway, the news doesn’t seem the best with me and Nik… Hes going threw some… problems… Major paranoia and second thoughts it seems… How I feel he wants to leave me… His paranoia??? I’m sure he just doesn’t want to deal with me…

I would say that I am sorry for my last post, but I’m really not.
I would sit and try to make excuses, but I really won’t.
I would say that I have some problems, but I really don’t.
I would say that we are growing apart, but we really aren’t.
I would say that I hate you, but you really have a stranglehold on my heart…

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
I have had the stress of totally re-vamping my lifestyle.
I’m trying to do good in school, I’m quitting smoking,
I’m not doing things like I used to.
I told you I wouldn’t make excuses.
Those are reasons.

Those are no excuse for the way I have been acting.
I AM immature, I just don’t like to be confronted with
it.  You AREN’T my problem.  You are my solution.

Yes, when I said dealing with this shit I was
referring to you.  I’ve never been in a relationship
like this.

Now matter how well he tries to explain whats he’s going threw
I’m still completely and utterly confused. Perhaps I am really the
Problem. Perhaps he wants to leave me he just hasn’t brought it
Up yet. Maybe he’s gay.. LOL Jk… I don’t really know what to think about it all. I just really don’t want to lose him… I love him…

Posted 8/31/2004 at 1:41 PM



Monday August 30, 2004 Nik’s Xanga Rant

Monday August 30, 2004
aries horoscope 

Your Monday Horoscope, MinaKaye!
The tension begins to ease, although the excitement might dwindle a bit too. Strive to get your finances in order while Mercury is in Libra, providing a few weeks of fiscal harmony.

I only got to sleep for a couple hours. I also caught myself staring out into space. I fell asleep downstairs which is quite the shock considering I’ve only been sleeping upstairs. Amanda showed up bright and early. Went out to the high school to register. It was a bitch. I saw just about all the teachers that I hated. I was not thrilled. It was hard trying to restain myself from walking down the hallways with both birds in the air. How I wanted to. Got my schedule. Amanda took me straight to the Alternative. Ms. Mosbach wasn’t there anymore. Instead we have this major bitch as a teacher. I don’t like her, but at least I get to take health instead of PE.Yeah.. We got out of school at 12:15. Eugene drove me home, and someone finally mowed the lawn next to mine. But now mine really looks like shit.  Anyway,  I need a cigarette major. But everyone give me the props because I have cut down a bit. Go me…

Sat around until I had to go to Subway for my first day on the job. OMG… I was so incoherent. I should have gotten more sleep. I did get a hang of the register pretty well tho. …. And I loaded bread into the frige to thaw… Yeah… It wasn’t too exciting but… It was my first time behind the subway counter…. My pants didn’t fit. They were too tight and too long…. I couldn’t tuck my hair in my hat for jack,… the plastic gloves they have were ten times too big, so now they will have to special order EXTRA small for my tiny hands… It also sucks because the things they use to measure… is twice as much for my hands… it was so confusing… For being half asleep I did do ok though…. It also looks like the Libret will have to go… She made me take out my retainer, and then I lost it… So, basicly I’m screwed… Came home, and slept… FOREVER.  Watched movies… Amanda came over, her mom and her got into a bitch fight….
Ended up balling to my dad again as soon as I woke up. Whineing about the whole responciblity thing that I don’t know if I’m ready for. And then after reading Nik’s responce, I felt very alone in the world. I honestly don’t have anyone I can truely be close to. I thought there were a few people who could handle me, but Kirk has had his fill, My dad just doesn’t seem to have much to do with me anymore, and blows it off like its nothing, and then from my constant mind changes, its causes both me and Nik to argue about stupid shit That I regret bitching about later. Was my previous entry truely that degrading? Even though it wasn’t ment to be just Nik, it was a rant… “realize.” It was more of a rant stateing, be thankful for what you have, considering the fact that I see what most people in this town had, that I never had growing up….

Honestly I hate the fact that I’ve had to grow up. I think thats been my most recent problem. I’m so much older in my mind then most, yet I still yearn for my childhood back, so I do the stupid childhood things that don’t allow me to fit into the real world either. I feel like such an inconvenience to everyone. And yet, everything recently has been an inconvenience to me. Lack of sleep, worry about bills, how I’m supposed to get groceries, the job, the fact that I don’t own a washer or dryer, the fact that I clean my house and anyone and everyone (IM SO NOT THE ONLY ONE) decides to have no respect for my house and continues to trash it as soon as I cleaned it from top to bottom. It is such a pain in the ass that I’ve even considered moving back to my mother. Which is what I spent so many years to run away from. Yet my paradise isn’t such a paradise anymore. Everything is turning to shit. Decomposing in front of my eyes. My house, my friends, my relationships, my family…. Even my own body is deterating bit by bit. I never asked for all this drama yet it finds me anyway…. Why the fuck can’t I just be happy???

Checked my email and read Nik’s Latest Entry….

Monday, August 30, 2004
Fuck Xanga. 

There is no fucking point to it.  Anything that I post on here is just used against me.  Curse this infernal hellspawn of a website.

I’m sorry that my problems aren’t good enough for you.  I know I’m just Mr. Carefree, Innocent, Simple person.  I can’t beleive that I actually thought that I had any RELEVENT SHIT that would make YOU look back and say “DAMN, HE HAS IT BAD.”

I’m sorry that I’m such a god damn kid.  I’m sorry that I’m not in my twenties and all macho and mature like Rob.  Take a look in the mirror.  You are being immature talking down on someone because their problems aren’t as bad as yours.  So I tell this to you now.  GROW UP.

I never made an Xanga post for anyone but myself.  It was your choice to look at it.  You shouldn’t fucking critisize my feelings.  That shit is so COLD.

And I guess I really don’t have it bad but come the fuck on.  This is my first time dealing with this kind of shit.  I don’t know whats going on.  You should be there to support and help me, not to fucking critisize me bacause my problems are “insignificant”.  I am there whenever I can, and you know that I would help you in any fucking way possible.

Fuck you.  You’ll never hear a fucking complaint from me again, because I’ve got it sooooooo good.

Feeling Greatly Appriciated,

BTW Nik… Nothing you said was being held against you. I
just asked about it so I could understand the thoughts running
through your head so I might try and understand. What do you mean that your problems aren’t good enough for me? Where do you consider that? Your more then what you make yourself
out to be, yet you exspect me to know that already when I’ve
been trying to find out the real information behind you. How
do you exspect me to know you if you don’t open up? Your
life does mean something to me. Why do you think I ask so
many questions? Don’t be sorry for saying your a kid. Your
not. Just childish. But remember, thats what I like in you. Thats why I need to remind me that their are better things in life except conforming to the world and society. There is nothing wrong with acting like a kid. I wish I was given that oppurtunity more. Just recently things have been so hard and have been giving me more reasons to grow up… I don’t want to, …. I really don’t. Plus the fact I never critisized…. I RANTED…. AND there is a major difference. This is my journal, and I sure as hell don’t plan to keep anything back. I say what happens. Its my thoughts… And they are all going to come out, just depends on my mood.

No, you don’t have it that bad. There are a lot of things in your life I would like to change, but I honestly would never
want you to experience what I have. I would perfer to shelter
you from all that. Your first time dealing with what kind of
shit? ME? Am I the root to all of your most recent problems?
And honestly… WHEN have I ever turned you down to help
you? I figured I tried to help you more then not. Remember
when you got sick at my house, and you said I was more of a
mother then your mother ever was? What do you call that
then? Have all my efforts really gone unnoticed? Am I that
completely obilious? You have been there for me most of the
time that I needed you. Most recently more then before, but
your efforts have not gone unnoticed and I am greatful for
them. Just I figured it would be simple… If you need me there
for you… JUST ASK. I don’t know your hurting if you don’t

Allison Austin what_not_grl@yahoo.com
Monday, August 30, 2004 7:09 PM
Mina Kaye minakaye@hotmail.com
Re: ello?

Hey Mina, how did you find out that I moved? I told “Brandy” to tell you that I said to call me, I even gave her my phone number in case if you forgot it. I moved a little while ago. I have been really busy lately, you will not believe all of the crazy stuff that has happened since the last time that I saw you. I started hanging out with Jessica macans a lot, she is now like my “best friend” we hang out just about everyday. I met a guy about a month ago, and I dated him for a while. his name is Greg. he was in a gang back in L.A. But I had to break up with him because he was moving to Arkasas, and I didn’t want a long distance relationship. He was REALLY hot though. I have met SOOOO many people recently, most likely you know a lot of them if not all of them. Chris “Fat Boy”, Nick (don’t remember his last name, he has a lip ring, and he lives in the apartments on plane street) jeremy Gard, Phillip Poulese, a whole shit load of people. I have a job now, I work at the hospital now for about 3 weeks so far. I am a workaholic. I work so much, 6 days a week. I am pooped most of the time. We have a car now, and I have stopped by your house numerous times, but you never seem to be there. I have visited Jason (from Vampfest), and his birthday is this weekend, and Jessica and I are driving up there to spend the weekend with him.I have just been a very busy girly girl. Anyway…give me a call from Kirks phone if you get a chance, just in case you forgot, my phone number is 753-0616. I love you hunny! Love, Allison.

Posted 8/30/2004 at 1:32 PM

um, wow.  none of that is my business so i will not comment on any of it.


yes, friday i can get you two home if you get a ride there.  i’ll work til 10 so i’ll just be there when i get off.

aight, later.  hope things improve.

Posted 8/31/2004 at 2:16 PM by Ithinkyoucanseeherkidneys
I like that, you have a Vonnegut quote as your interests.
Posted 8/31/2004 at 3:50 PM by losinggeneration

Sunday August 29, 2004 I missed him, how could I have missed him

Sunday August 29, 2004
Saturday, August 28, 2004
aries horoscope

Your ability to learn a lesson will make this a day for substantial gain. You are
many things to many people. Your desire to be alone in the coming weeks is
going to be a shocking development.

So, I’m sleeping on my couch, minding my own business, Trying to sleep till
noon, yet its only 11:30, then Amanda knocks on my door wanting me to go
with her, her mom, and Mat. The moms boyfriend. Pissed that I didn’t have
anytime to get ready we drive out to Mediapolis, to go to a fair, which where
it downpoured. Talked to some weird guy whom I’m possitive was not in his
right mind. Got a pina Colada smoothie.. YUM… and bought 10 books for a
buck…. ONE DOLLAR!. Now thats what I call a bargain. When back to
Mat’s house where Amanda is now living. We started to write a scary story
about to posessed twin eight year olds, dotted some more, and then at about
1am, went an sat in the JeCuzzi in the middle of Bum fucked Egypt. IT was
awesome, cause you could see the stars too. The only thing I wasn’t thrilled
about was the Porta Potty. They didn’t have indoor Plumbing. Other then that I enjoyed myself.

Woke up the next morning. Ate Oatmeal. Porta Potty killer spider… yeah…
Then they took me back into town, when I came home, when down to
subway for my uniform, but my boss wasn’t there, I did get my hours tho.
Because i’m in training, I work Monday, Wedsnday, Saturday 3pm-5pm…
Just training hours but it doesn’t bother me at all. At least I know I have the
job, came home, and the house was worse then I had left it. Seth (my little
brother) was there too, but my dad continued to tell me that it was that bad
when I left. BULLSHIT. So much for my fucking house staying clean, no one
gets a rats ass. Got online, and had an email from Nik.

Sunday, August 29, 2004 3:19 AM

Hey, I am typing this from your computer.  It’s 3:00 on Saturday.
I wanted to see you really bad.  Guess I should have made sure you
were home first.  Well….  I miss you and Love You always.


I missed him, how could I have missed him? YES you should have
checked if I was home first! God, I should not have left…. But I was
half a sleep and couldn’t really make much of a choice about it at all.
This is the reason I am a hermit… Something important happens, I’m
home to know about it. I’m never leaving my house again… Except for
Subway.. … … and school…

Also tomarrow I’m supposed to go to BHS and register. I have no Idea
how that is supposed to work but yeah…. I wont be home bitches….

And another pet peeve has annoyed me…. Nik… Why didn’t you
just sign into your account with hotmail.com? Why did you have to
use my messenger? You do realize.. your screen name is on there
forever and ever, until I reformat the damn thing….
OH… ha Last time someone signed into my messenger
(which is still there might I add) I chased him around my
house with the giant evil purple strap on, hitting him outside
of his head…. I bet it hurt too, cause I was mad… and hitting hard….

*EDIT* 12:39 Am

Decided to cook steak. So me and my brother seth walked
down to Hy-Vee. Was cooking the steak and then boiling
Butter spilled all over my hand. Burning my hand like a
motherFucker! Rushed to the sink to rise off the butter cause
It was continueally burning away my skin. My head started to
rush and I became sick to my stomach and dizzy in the head.
ran to the bathroom. Shoved my head under the fostit. Then
passed out on my floor. They said it was shock, and DAMN
did it hurt like a bitch. Its healing now, Well enough anyway.
There is still a big red mark on my hand tho….. Ouch… SO
I’m watching movies all night. Just to get my mind off things
such as Nik most recent post…

Sunday, August 29, 2004
  These didn’t start out as poems, but they kind
of developed into them.  I dunno, it’s a wierd thing.

~~Whatever happened to my simplistic life?~~

It’s been so long since any choice was easy to make.

I just don’t know anymore.

This is why I was (for the most part) a loner.

I don’t like dealing with other prople’s problems.

I don’t like hearing about other people’s problems.

I don’t like BEING other people’s problems.

I wish everyone would just go away.

I wish there was something else to say.

The truth is, I am a coward, and I want to run away.

There are some things that I haven’t told you.
Some things that I hide.

~~Passion and Jealousy~~

I don’t like being jealous.

I hate hiding it even more.

Just… Certain things make me wonder.

Maybe I’m just insecure.

But maybe I’m not.

Maybe it’s true.

Maybe it’s not.

Maybe I should trust you.

It’s just some of the things you tell me.

About your reputation, and your past.

Make me look back.

Maybe we went to fast?

Pressure and confusion.

A passionate kiss.

Then I look back and wonder.

Should I be doing this?

You tell me that you love me.

You tell me that you care.

But the way you feel obligated,

To express it is a scare.

But to tell you some of these things in person,

I would never dare.

I don’t ever want you to feel,

Like you have to do things for me.

Except for when I’m really drunk,

And I need help to pee.

HAHHAAHAH sorry, had to put it there.
That was quite funny though.

Yea.  I’m fucked up and i nsecure and I don’t
know what to think.  I’m writing shitty poems.  Eat Me.

Yeah, Would figure I’m the worst person in the world,
causing everyone elses problems… Then again when
they don’t seem to know my own… BE THANKFUL
the night with only a porta Potty filled with killer evil
spiders all last night. Then I realize how no one…
NOT SHIT OF ANYONE, besides people in
their twenties, like Rob, has any maturity at all. Why
do I feel like the only one that grew up. GROW UP
PEOPLE. You ain’t got it bad… And if I’m the cause
of all your problems, then throw me aside cause I
guess I’m not worth the time.

Posted 8/29/2004 at 5:14 PM

I’m sorry, I didn’t think you would get mad that I checked to see if you were on somewhere else. Whatever though.
Posted 8/29/2004 at 7:16 PM by whatthehellsgoingon

So you’re coming back to BHS?


Posted 8/29/2004 at 10:36 PM by MySweetestSorrow

hey you know, i dont htink you should hurry the growing up part so much.  once you get there, there’s no going back so i always think it;s better that kids have as much time to be kids as possible.  you can attest to how much it sucks being the responsible one when everyone else is going about having all manner of fun.

yeah.  good luck with the working and all, too.  i’ll get ahold of you someitme on my days off, but i wil be spending most of that time doing musical stuff.

exes and ohs!


Posted 8/30/2004 at 4:19 AM by Ithinkyoucanseeherkidneys


Monday August 30, 2004 WONDER

Monday August 30, 2004

Retrace my steps across the tracks, the grass grows through the sidewalk. This is the last call for anyone who gives a shit about me. Get in line, take an number, and file your complaints elsewhere, Theres no room for happiness in my life and no room for me in yours. This is the end. I can’t give up on what I can’t have. We had something I’ve never had, a hint of hope and a handful of dissappointment. The easy wasy out hurts the most, hide behind what you can find. You and I are just alike, a little different from everyone else. You can’t turn me away if I don’t open up, delaying the inevitable, a fight against fate. As long as I don’t ask, you can’t say no, waiting for rejection, losing all hope. We had something I’ve never had and will never have again… You.
Well, I can’t see you anymore, Its too hard to make it through the day. I’ve decided I’m better off by myself or at least without you. Look at all the time I’ve wasted, I’d do it again too. Maybe I talk too much, maybe you don’t say enough. “Thanks for everything,” you don’t really mean it. Just words unattached to any real emotion. It takes tragedy to bring about change. I’m dead on the inside, but everythings still the same. Nothing good is real; you proved that to me. I learn everything the hard way. Seasons come and go, just as you did, but the seasons come back and you’ve already forgotten me. “Thanks for everything,” doesn’t mean anything.
Leave the stars for me, you can’t reach them from here. It’s already tomarrow and your still on the otherside of the phone. I have nothing left to say, but I can’t let you go…. Not Yet. Blue speckled with grey is all I can see. Leave the stars to me. I’ve waited for this far too long, for you to come back, hoping you would.  Did I waste my time waiting? You just threw me away when you found someone else, not necassarily better, but different. I gave everything I had and of course its not enough. I’m not enough, never enough, second best left behind and easily forgotten. No regrets, but definate dissappointment. “Its not you, Its me.” Leave the stars, they’re out of reach.
I can tell you like it better this way and everyone’s happy except for me. I can’t stop thinking about the way things should’ve been and the way things will never be, because you think we’re better as friends. At this point in my life, I’m not looking for new friends, but you’re a welcome addition to any collection of mine. My efforts fell short once again, but for the first time I was comfortable with myself until you said there was no future, near or distant. Did you ever feel anything for me? Or were you just lonely for the time and needed someone around to make the long days pass? If so, I hope you feel better, because than at least one of us got something out of this. Remember the good and don’t forget the bad, every minute with you is worth and the best is better than is…
I’ll take this in stride. Just like the last blow. Just like the stolen emotions and gone away truths. Everyword for only boy, one boy too good for me. No promises are forever, it’s not fair, and I’d rather not wake up. My thoughts have wings, broken and grounded, going nowher, slow. Things won’t be the same, keep your head down, hide from the truth and you can’t be hurt. Help is on the way, but lightning never strikes twice in the same place. Easier to run and hide behind the phone, you can’t see the hurt in my eyes, only through my voice. Sooner or later things fall apart, don’t trip over the spiral stairs, It’s better to say you just don’t care. My thoughts have wings broken and grounded, but you just don’t care.
I’m still here and your still there, nowhere near to me. I’m still alone and you still don’t care, nowhere near to me. Some things never change and change is hard to find. If you can’t look in the right places. Sometimes I can hear you when I breathe, Whispering in my ear letting me know that your alright. I’m tired of trying to make you see the way that we are mean’t to be. I’m tired of trying to change the impossible. It’s worth the worthless struggle for a prize thats not as good as it seems. I’m tired of trying, but some things never change and thats just me.
Snow begins to fall and I’m still by myself. Forgotten, lost, heart-crossed and boys are my only problems, Lay beside me, tell your dreams and I’ll shatter them all. Sometimes I think that you were the one, but sometimes is never enough, never enough to be with anyone, so this is goodbye. Easily amused, just as easily confused, the sky’s still up when you’re upside down. I’m falling in love with no one in particular. Take this note for your eyes only and mark the bar that breaks my heart, There is only one option. You can’t have me when I’m busy somwhere else, but no matter where I am or who I’m with, Your still the one I want…

Posted 8/30/2004 at 3:11 AM

Friday August 27, 2004

Friday August 27, 2004
Friday, August 27, 2004
aries horoscope
You will get some unwanted attention. It is probably better to smile
and cooperate than to be boisterous and get noticed. By striving
for anonymity today, you minimize looking bad when something
goes awry.

——> Haha.. Me in the Newspaper.

Sat around All Day… Slept, Chilled.. Watched Movies with
Amanda… Drawed some more…. Still Haven’t heard from Nik.

Dad ordered Pizza, but I had one of those ballistic
episodes where I was ranting for hours
about how I’m so
young and I shouldn’t be having
to worry about Bills or a job so I can have Grocercies.
I have a very good point, but my Father is stubborn,
and yet, he does look at me as an adult, Just sometimes,
Most of the time now, I realize that isn’t what I want.
SO Here I am, staying up all night. You all might want
to read back Alot. I updated a bunch…. I’ve been writing,
just not pubishing them right away.. SO… LEAVE ME
COMMENTS. I miss those…

JAKE wrote me a poem… ITS SO SWEET.

  Well I just found the poem I like made
to cheer Mina up last night before I went
to her house. This is very possibly the
last poem I write because I said so and
I hate my poems although it’s not like
you care.

I love you with all my heart.

I love you together or apart.

I love you though all the tears.

I love you through all the years.

I love you now like I did then.

I love you even past the end.

I love you you’re my sweet tart.

I love you with all my heart.


Thursday August 26, 2004


Thursday August 26, 2004
aries horoscope

Your Horoscope, MinaKaye!
A work situation is as chaotic as ever, but a recent
agreement with a partner will pull you through the tough
times. Focus on organization today. Your partner will
have an exciting revelation later on.

—–> Me being a bonehead At Brandy’s House…

Woke Up. It was so Hot outside. Jake came over
and cheered me up. It was a great comfort having
someone over to just make me laugh. We listened
to the Tenacious D Cd because Jake had bought it.
I was completely jealous. But then it was getting time
for me to head down to Subway For my orientation.
It was a bitch. I still don’t have uniform. I think Martha
(My Boss) Thinks I’m onry. But I am. I FINALLY got
out of there after being stuck in their for hours on end,
But I still get free drinks. *Evil Giggle*. I still cannot
believe I have a job. I did forget my Subway Booklet tho.
I’ll get it back Sunday. Came home and my dad was
chilling with Rob. Then nik Came over because I had
received a letter from him stateing that he needed to
talk to me about shit…. Guess what It was… >>
I Love you. I was in lala Land again.
It was completely unexpected. I thought I was something
more urgent, Not to say that It wasn’t important to me,
It ment the world, just I had exspected bad news.. Or News
in the least. He walked All the way from West Burlington
again. I feel like the most spoiled person in the world. So
I felt guilty so I paid for a cab to take him home…. I really
wish he’d figure out a way to let me know he got home Ok…
Or tell me if he got bitched out or what not. He also went to
the store with me, which was greatly apprecitated. Although,
I really think I’m turning into the damn Bitching house wife,
even if I’m not married. I feel i’ve been laid with responceablities
that shouldn’t be mine. I have responciblities too, and yet,
my dad can’t do a couple things around the house like
Dishes, when I cleaned the WHOLE house and its right back
the way it was… And I KNOW for a fact that it wasn’t me this
time. I need to stop having friends over…. Or at least the
annoying ones that drink and eat everything in the house….
Things have got to change.

—–> My 14th Birthday…

Amanda came over and spent the night. We drew all night
again. I still think I’m a horrible person to sleep with. I caught
myself spralling and rolling around all night again. … .. .. .. ..
Anyway.. I’m gone…

Posted 8/27/2004 at 4:23 PM

My thing refuses to tell me when you update. Wtf


Posted 8/28/2004 at 6:47 PM by MySweetestSorrow

Wednesday August 25, 2004 Jake So Sexy

Wednesday August 25, 2004
aries horoscope 

Your  Horoscope, MinaKaye!
Today brings a pleasant predicament. Give romance a whirl and
maybe play a game or two. The whole day may seem frivolous to
your practical side, but the relaxation will energize you for days to
Woke up and was pretty lazy. I got ready for my
orientation down at subway. (Which didn’t end up
happening) because she had other shit she had
to do that was important. Understand able. So
i’m supposed to go in tomarrow. I still got me a
brownie though.

Then Jake came over and wrote
in my journal mbecause he’s a fucking idiot and
we talk then yea. Jake is sexy soooo sexy YEA.

—-> Pure Boredom Post:

so I didn’t go to larp either.. . so my day pretty much blowed.. but
then i cooked for once…. im not that bad of a cook.,… At least I got
the basics down’…

Posted 8/25/2004 at 3:0 PM

Tuesday August 24, 2004 Follow Your Dreams “Oh, Come On”



Tuesday August 24, 2004
aries horoscope

You might forget where you are at, as you spend so much focus and
time thinking about money issues today. While this is not the best
time to borrow money, it is a great time to look at the long-term
solutions for stability.

I can’t believe how late I always sleep. Its for 4:30 again.
Time for my meds. Amanda was already gone when I
woke up. Watched Nightmare Before CHristmas. It made
me think about Jake. I really wish I had someone here for
comfort. Nik can’t ever be around because of his mom,
and I do apprecitate the efforts that he makes, its just…
Hard I guess. Considering all the Bullshit and conflict
I’ve been having to deal with Lately.  I need the support.
No one has been there as much as I need them. I do
believe I’m dealing with this a lot better then I think I should.
I just keep remembering I have to be strong. Because what
doesn’t Kill You makes you stronger.

Rob stopped by to come pick me up to take me out to the
Barn for Jam night. I took up a bit too much of his time, but
I was still in the waking up phase. Jam night at the Barn was
nice. I was a bit bored at first but I think listening to music for
hours on end really helped me to clear my mind cause all I did
was think. I did wish I had something to doodle on, But over
all I enjoyed myself. Got out of the house. Got to spend time
with Rob which is always good. And I FINALLY bought that
DueRag That I’ve been wanting forEVer. And Rob’s friend
also let me play on his drums which I greatly apprecitated.
And I met Jeff who was very nice and interesting to talk to
except the fact that he said I should stop smoking and was
telling me continuously to follow my dreams…. Oh come On.
Be realistic. I’m never going to be anything then at tops a
house wife, and or die alone…. with no career… No life.. and
no real accomplishments… Why try to put such bullshit in my
head and make me believe I could be something, when the
world would never offer me the chance. My nite was all well
really. I still think I suck at the drums…

——> Mina, Allison, And Mike…
Playing Dress Up with the Camra… Cheap EnterTainment…

Posted 8/24/2004 at 5:36 PM



Monday August 23, 2004 Chipmunks on Speed, and Dad’s Relapse



Monday August 23, 2004
aries horoscope

You will get a warning to get your financial house in order.
Any financial planning will pay off today, as limited resources
are put to the best use in order to enhance your wallet.
Long-term planning is needed as soon as possible.

I slept in bed until 2pm. The sleep was good, but it was like a
get up, I gotta Go… I had my planned parenthood appointment
at 3. So I was dressed, out the door, and up at Kirks house to
see if Kirks mom was available…  Now that I realize… I don’t
even know kirks mom or dads name… Thats sad, but back
on topic. Kirks mom took me up to planned parenthood.
She went in the room with me in case I needed a hand to
squeeze. And yes, It was as bad as I was hoping it wasn’t.
Plus the fact that my appointment was resqueduled to
Monday, and they told me my doctor Terry was going to be
there, but turns out she wasn’t, so I got the old bitch… And I
wasn’t pleased. They gave me medication… la da da da da…
which is a bitch… Came home. Amanda stopped by. She
let me call Jacob. I told him what was up with me, he said
that he was going to try to come down whenever he gets
his transmition on his car fixed. Dad came home and we
went to Samantha’s house to eat dinner. She has two
Siamese kittens. They were so cute and crawling all over
me wanting love. She also showed me her scar from her
transplants and the picture of her organ donar that was only
in his early 20’s and died in a car accident from drunk driving.
It was sad, But dinner was good, and I got a wine cooler, so
If was a good overall after noon. Came home and chilled
with Amanda. We created Chipmunks on Speed website.
Its gonna be so cute. Searched for movies, then I went
upstairs and crashed.

Didn’t go to sleep till 5am. Dad woke me up at 8am to tell me
he was sorry, and that we were broke. And that he spent over
a hundred dollars on BULLSHIT.  Its was sad to see my dads
old addiction, back in the day, coming back to haunt us, but he
will never be able to live with this without me bringing it up
and holding it agianst him. For crying out loud, its major
bullshit, and what my dad doesn’t know is that I had to buy
some more food while he was gone with my own money
from some emergancy savings, otherwise I know I wouldn’t
have gotten by. I couldn’t go back to sleep. My dad was
having an anxeity attack. I had shit I had to do, so my mind
was restless, and I didn’t even know at the time how I was
going to buy milk. Grandma came for dad even though he
had just recently fell asleep. She also gave me cash for
Tampons which i was very grateful for. I napped, Watched
movies, Took a bath, cleaned up. I went down for my
Interview.  I GOT HIRED!  *WOOP*. Came Home. Talked
to John, Mom, and Deseree. Told mom about Dad, and
my horrible issue. I stayed at Kirks and watched HellBoy,
so it wasn’t as bad as I thought It was gonna be. Came
home, and Rob pulls up just as i’m walking down the
driveway. We chilled. Played some EMo computer
Game about BUSH. I Was having HORRIBLE cramps.
Tampon per hour cramps. So I felt like I was gonna die
or somethin.. lol. I waiting for hours for Nik, cause he said
he was gonna show, but never did. I eventually faded to
sleep with the light still on….

Posted 8/23/2004 at 3:18 AM