What and If…

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“What and if…two non-threatening words that when put together can haunt you for the rest of your life.” This couldn’t be more true. They have been haunting me for the past eight years. What if we never met, what if I never left, What if I didn’t have such high expectations, what if I don’t go back, Will I always wonder what if? They say true love lasts forever. At the same token they refer to this as Obsession. I’m not sure what to think of either. Yet I can’t seem to let the subject go.

Posted 9/15/2010 at 6:38 AM

Tuesday September 14, 2010

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I’m not doing okay. Everything I try to put my heart into goes to shit. I’m trying so hard and nothing seems to be going my way. I starting jogging for the first time yesterday. That was the hardest thing I’ve had to do in years. Doesn’t help Lindy was pushing me a bit too hard. My calves hurt like no other.
I ran into Kieth today at the Bank. He actually broke his fingers so apparently we aren’t playing this weekend like I had hoped. Which is a real bummer. So i’m pissed at Scott for not telling me because now I’m not getting paid for the gig and the schedule for the wedding at howard johnson has already been made and i’m not on the list. So yes. I am pissed.
Assuming has made an ass of myself once again. Bought pens for my new planner. They were blue. Not Black. One more pissed to add to the list.
Then after being so distracted I almost got into a car accident. Horns yelling at me and hurt cursing me. Hope that doesn’t make my luck much worse than it already is. I just have to remember to go running tonight. Maybe that will make things better.

Posted 9/14/2010 at 6:15 PM

Tuesday September 7, 2010

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Two songs: pay attention. Understand what I feel.

Song 1: Need You Now Lyrics by Lady Antebellum

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin’ for the phone ’cause I can’t fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn’t call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don’t know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey can’t stop looking at the door
Wishing you’d come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It’s a quarter after one, I’m a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn’t call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don’t know how I can do without
I just need you now
woah woaaah
Guess I’d rather hurt than feel nothin’ at all

It’s a quarter after one I’m all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn’t call but I’m a little drunk and I need you now

And I don’t know how I can do without
I just need you now
I just need you now (wait)
Ooo, baby, I need you now

*And then I start crying. This song really speaks to me. I have felt this way many a time.

Song 2: SOS – ABBA

I’d like to dedicate this song to mother earth
Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find
I try to reach for you but you have closed your mind
What ever happened to our love? I wish I understood
It used to feel so nice, it used to be so good
So when you’re near me, darling can’t you hear me S.O.S.
The love you gave me, nothing else can save me S.O.S.
When you’re gone, how can I even try to go on?
When you’re gone, well I try, how can I carry on?

Posted 9/7/2010 at 10:6 PM

Un-Proportional Little Feet

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I seriously need help. How do I continue to suffer through life this way. The world’s largest clusts. I trip over my own feet as if it were someone else out to spite me and watch me smash my face into the floor. No wonder I despise my job. How can my bosses take me seriously when I’m dropping and falling over anything about. I covered my eyes in complete embarrassment, surrounded by my bosses and co-workers as hot water scawled down the front of my white blouse. A feeling of horror swept me as I realized what had just happened, yelping and dropping the hot water and coffee I had been carrying. All eyes on me, bless his heart Ramon to my rescue once again, covering my ass for what reason I don’t know, Picking up the containers and placing them on the counter. Handing me my to-do list that I failed to pick up out of fear of bending over and colliding heads or some other unfortunate catashrafye. I picture then feeling pity for me; thinking “Don’t quit your day job Mina” then saying nothing out of the sad event that this is… my day job. Will I always be this incapable?