Life is a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs. But i look forward to each and everyday .I mostly come to you in times of depression i guess you can call it. My life in the nutshell really.[optimistic]. My life seems to be the average day-to-day life of a female. Having her mood swings and drama. I enjoy most the drama. When it concerns other people. If I’m involved, im not enthused. I’ll just lay here and wait for someone to lay beside me. Dancing in the rain cleanses my soul. Makes me feel as if I’m a different person. Looks up at Orion’s belt every night with the old memories of waiting at the end of my driveway for the bus with my light-up shoes. I seem to daydream every second of the day. I react things on a daily basis. Imagining things that i want to happen, but i know won’t because i don’t have the guts to do it. My day-to-day stories and quotes are memorable. I tend to overthink things and see things in a different perspective than most. I often go back and replay memories of my past. Some i want to remember and most, i don’t. But those memories have transformed me into the person i am today. I’m not like every other person that you will run into on a day-to-day basis. I often get complimented on my looks. But i don’t think they like me for my personality. I’ve done things in my past that i regret with a passion. But i can’t go back now and change that. On the outside i’m small,defenceless against the world. Bluntly speaking my mind but never saying the right things.Taking life one step at a time. I fall fast, but i never forget the feelings i get. I cherish every memory i can. Capturing memories with my eyes. Wishing I owned a camera. Reminencing I guess you can call it. Rambling about random topics about myself to start with. All i can remember is my past. The objects i will never loose.The memories i will hold close to my heart.

Same Moon


The world is silent here on Mill Dam Rd. I light my short and stroll up my gravel driveway to the road. The rocks shuffling below my feet. The only sound is a distant cricket singing somewhere in the distance and the hum of the street light above my head. I stand in lighted part of the street and glare both ways. First right, then left. Back to the street light, then noticed the moon in the distance.The clouds moving quickly in the sky. I wonder, who else may be watching this same moon with me/



“Did you have one of those days today, like a nail in the foot? Did the pterodactyl corpse dropped by the ghost of your mother from the spectral Hindenburg forever circling the Earth come smashing through the lid of your glass coffin? Did the New York strip steak you attacked at dinner suddenly show a mouth filled with needle-sharp teeth, and did it snap off the end of your fork, the last solid-gold fork from the set Anastasia pressed into your hands as they took her away to be shot? Is the slab under your apartment building moaning that it cannot stand the weight on its back a moment longer, and is the building stretching and creaking? Did a good friend betray you today, or did that good friend merely keep silent and fail to come to your aid? Are you holding the razor at your throat this very instant? Take heart, comfort is at hand. This is the hour that stretches. Djan karet. We are the cavalry. We’re here. Put away the pills. We’ll get you through this bloody night. Next time, it’ll be your turn to help us. “Eidolons” (1988)” — Harlan Ellison

Your parachute doesn’t open


I’d say I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I am not. I excel at not giving a shit. experience has taught me that interest begets expectation and expectation begets disappointment, so the key to avoiding disappointment to avoid interest. A equals B equals C or A or whatever, I also don’t have a lot of interest in being a good person or bad person, from what I can tell either way you are screwed. Bad people are punished by society’s law and all good people are punished by Murphy’s law. So you see my dilemma. Welcome
to corporate America. Was this it? was this who I was? Would I forever be remembered as a file clerk, a bartender, just some nobody? Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life in a lousy dead end job. They say that your entire life flashes in front of you the moment before you die, that might be true if you are terminally ill or your parachute doesn’t open, but if death sneaks up on you the only thing you have time to think is…… Awww shit. Everyone always says the same shit at funerals. They talk about how sweet, wonderful and oh-so-full of life you were and how it was your time and you can’t question god’s plan. They never say anything bad, you could be the biggest turd in the toilet bowl and still come up smelling like a rose. They toss around words like “destiny” and “fate”, the word “choice”even mentioned. This is why having a destiny sucks. I stared at the back of the seat to what seemed like hours thinking about all the things I would rather be doing like having a root canal or a pap smear or going to church. As we walked into the dark unknown or whatever you want to call it, I thought “Is this it? Is this who I am? I think for me death was just a wake-up call.

Death And The Toad


Let’s go for a little ride. My name is Mina Kaye, I’m 22 years old
and I am down there, somewhere. I’m going to tell you a story, not my story,
that’s later. This is just a story, ready? Once upon a time or more specifically at
the dawn of time, god, lower case g was getting busy with creation as the kids
these days are saying. He gave toad a clay jar and said “be careful with this,
it’s got death inside” pleased as punch  and obvious to the fact that he was
to become god’s fall guy on the whole death issue, toad promised to guard
the jar. But then one day toad met frog “let me hold the jar of death” or
whatever you call it frog bag. With a nod to Nancy Reagan’s pro of wisdom, toad just said
no But frog was determined and after much whining toad finally gave in “you
can hold it but just for a second” he said. In his excitement frog began to hop
around and juggle the death jar from one foot to the other. Frog was an
asshole. “Stop” toad cried out but it was too late, frog dropped the jar and it
shattered to the ground. When it broke open death got out and ever since all living
things have to die. Makes you wonder how much better the world would be if frog had
stuck to hocking beer. So there you have it, the mystery of death finally
revealed, we all die, some of us sooner than later, for me, it’s going to be
much sooner but that’s only the beginning of my story.

Arms Of A Boy


so just kiss me and run
my messy hair through
your fingers and let me steady
myself in the arms of a
boy that won’t ask me to
be what he needs but
lets me exist as I am.

Constant Contradictions

I find it odd how some people complain about having a poor… | NoHeroesForTomorrow on Xanga

I find it odd how some people complain about having a poor social life, how they need to expand their social circles, and meet new people, but when it comes right down to it, they can’t do it. All this pep talk about exploring new horizons, living not just existing, carpe diem, blah blah blah dwindles down to puffed up speech. What is the worth of your trials and tribulations if you can’t take them and put your lessons into application? Like John Donne says, you can carry around a wedge of gold, but what good is that gonna do you? There has to be a transaction of gold into actual currency, otherwise you’re carrying dead weight.

If there’s anything that bothers me the most, it is when a person acknowledges their unfortunate state of being, but do not do anything about it. Maybe it’s because they remind me of me and how I used to be. It’s a silly way of living in constant contradictions.

Posted 11/16/2010 at 7:16 AM

I Understand Tough Love


I understand the concept of Tough Love, and I do believe it strengthen’s one to a point. But on the other side of the token when I feel crushed and the walls of the world are slowly moving in, struggling for air, suffocated by the lack of people who care.  You could seriously hang up your Big tough boy pants, go back to the sweet romantic guy I met and just hold me.