The Trip Home

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So living in Florida has been ever so nice, that being back in Burlington makes me feel like I’m stuck in a Snow Globe. Recent Events with the Murder trail have left me feeling drained and wary. Then saddened that there are people who are buying into Tyler’s story. I’m not shocked by what he did. I was warned and saw it coming. The end result was at last I have found my closure and knew it could end one of two ways. Either Tyler would admit he did wrong and push for self-defense, or he’d prove himself to be a sociopath and, not that I guessed that he’d try to pin the damn murder on me, but I knew it would be something sad. Well, the cops were right, he’s a sociopath who picked me to use as a scapegoat. Closure at last…

In reality its ridiculous and how his lawyers can support him is sad, they are using my immunity to their advantage and it’s not right. Personally I would have loved to be in the room to see if I could catch the lies on his face, then again, I might not have been able to contain my composure.

I miss Andrew and I’m ready to go home now. Burlington is so negative and that’s not the kind of person I want to be, but it’s so difficult when you feel so completely surrounded.

I find it strange that I’m not mad at Tyler. In Fact, I think i’m more disappointed. I hoped so hard that everyone else was wrong and that he had a good soul. At least the show Dexter he’s a good guy. I guess I just wanted Tyler to be the good guy so badly I blinded myself from the truth that was right in front of me. He claimed to have protected me, but there were so many signs that gave him away. His anger, his demanding/callous nature, and the leash I felt attached to, the give – take – take -take. I had watched my mother be so gullible for years, with all the wrong men, that I swore I’d never get involved, but I guess I was fooled by a pro. Well, sadly for him, i’m back in reality, I’m aware of his harmful intentions and I wish for no part of him in my life any longer.

One truth holds true. He did make me incredibly aware. I will cherish everyday from here on out.

How Soon Is too Soon to Get Engaged?

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So I was reading Lovelyish’s blog and she struck up a good point about couples getting engaged too quickly and I agree with a lot of what she had to say and thought I’d jot my thoughts down. It made me start pondering the things I’ve been surrounded by lately, how all the people my age seem to be getting married, or for some of them have already been married, have kids, and been divorced by now.

Since I’ve been home I’ve already been feeling the pressure, I’m almost 24, I’ve been in all the wrong relationships, and Andrew is Obviously a keeper. I’ve already begun getting the usual pressures of “When do we meet him?” “Is he the one?” “When you think you’ll settle down?”. Also surprising since no one liked any of my ex’s, nor did I ever seem serious about them.  But then, all I can think of is two thoughts.

“Yes” I did jump into this relationship. But in other ways it’s also very different. It’s effortless to be happy. He brings out the best in me and makes me feel completely appreciated for the efforts I do to try to see and make him happy as well. That in itself is a miracle in my life and I’m completely won over by him. “Could he one?” Yes, he very well could be, in fact I want him to be, and not because I’m tired of looking, but because we fit like Yin and Yang. So on that note, I can understand everyone jumping on the gun and assuming this is it. I think it very well could be, but that brings me to my second view.

Marriage is a big deal and I think in our society people don’t appreciate it for what it stands for. They go into a marriage thinking that divorce is an option if it doesn’t work out and honestly, I just don’t feel that’s right. Marriage is a promise of devotion and to pledge yourself to someone is an amazing thing. I think is what makes the concept of marriage so magical. It is a “set in stone” sort of decision, and the fact that people don’t last, or for even the matter even attempt to try to make it work is sad. I understand if one is being abused or infidelity. Those are my only two reasons a couple shouldn’t stay together. Then you may point out, what if your just not compatible? My answer to that is then you probably weren’t compatible in the beginning, and married for all the wrong reasons. Like I almost did twice being with Kip and Graham. Kip because we had just been together for so long, and Graham because there wasn’t much to dislike about the guy, my family loved him and he had a great heart, but in the end he wasn’t for me and I backed out both times. Ending my point with, people rush into marriage, and I don’t want to be one of those people.

So forgive me for pushing my views, but the pressure has been getting to me and I had to put my thoughts in writing as a reminder of what I believe in so I’m not caving to the coercion and getting emotional because I’m not yet. Believe me it isn’t easy to see all the people you grew up with flashing their gorgeous new “rock” and beaming happily about looking forward to the rest of their lives, picking the bridesmaid dresses and what the wedding colors are gonna be. It does make me envious, But I will take my time with this because I don’t want to make a decision that may not be the right one, not even the right one, maybe just the wrong time. I want it to happen naturally because it should and is meant too, not because I rushed it like that couple that got married a couple of months of knowing each other only to have it annulled and bitter from the whole experience. A wasted ceremony and told you so’s from family. What a drag! No, Instead I want to be the couple that everyone says “About Damn Time”.
How soon is too soon to get engaged according to you? Do you think people use the word “love” too lightly nowadays?