Self Esteem

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Yesterday was the best day I’ve had in a long time. Woke up early and had a girls day with Holly. We ate at Subway and I got to vent a bit about whats been going on with me lately and the issues I’ve been facing. Her responses really boosted my confidence and I feel strong in the fact that I really want to find who I am as a person again. Not to down Andrew in any way, but since I’ve moved here I’ve definitely felt I’ve lost myself along the way and mostly just blended into his way of life. My self-esteem has fallen apart bit by bit and I felt lost, but I’m starting to feel like I have the motivation to really try to make something of myself again. We went to Salvation Army and I thrifted my little heart out. All clothing was half off and I found some of the cutest finds. Comfy shirts and shorts, a couple of dresses, an kick ass ashtray for the porch, and some SMALL shirts for Andrew as well. Afterwards I had her drop me off at Distribution and managed to put in a couple of hours which I haven’t done nearly all month since I’ve been so down on myself. Andrew received his marching drums in the mail and I swear he was a kid at Christmas. He was so happy. We had to pick up the big ones from the front office. Ooooh My muscles were sore! :P He spent the evening putting them together and went and played them down at the gym. So technically it was a really good day for both of us. Hoping I can carry that positive energy into today and keep pushing forward. The rut I’ve been on this past month has been really dragging us both down, But I think expressing my need for Andrew’s approval will help with a lot of that. Here’s to things looking up.

Take a Risk!

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How you fail is more important than how you succeed.
It’s inevitable. At some point in the next week, month, year, you will fail and fail big and fail repeatedly. You will fall flat on your face, adding another scar to the collection.

And to failing I say, great! If you never fail, then you’re not risking. You’re living your life not to get hurt. But living a life of self-preservation will get you killed, but it will be a slow-death. Drips of monotony failing on your comfortable life until you go insane. So fail. Fail big. Just don’t call yourself a failure. That’s key.

I’m bringing awesome back

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Productive day. Andrew and I cleaned up the kitchen some, the dishwasher is clogged but hopefully he’ll call that in tomorrow. I attempted to make sushi, my rice was really sticky, but my seaweed wrap was soggy and I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong there. Made my first cake. It was a carrot cake and I made a cream cheese frosting. Cake was a bit on the dry side for my taste but Andrew mow’d it down. :P Started my new class today. Can’t wait till I get my grades from last class. I’m feeling pretty confident. And played with logo design with the band name that I voted on, so band name is still up for discussion. Poor Andrews not feeling well, but tomorrow I suppose we’ll juice it up and hope he gets feeling better. Overall good day for me :)

Insomnia

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Second day in a row I can’t sleep. Yesterday I didn’t pass out till noon, passed out for a couple of hours before running off to band practice. Today the same story. I start to get that anxious feelings once I start to see the sun rising. Whats wrong with me? What is causing this insomnia? Been feeling a pretty heavy load of insecurity lately, but I thought I got that out of my system with a good rant to the girlfriend (the one and only Kayla) via phone call, but apparently something is still bothering me. The problem is, I don’t actually know what. Normally I always know the underneath residing issue. This time I’m stumped. Or maybe it’s not in my head, perhaps it is something physical like… … ha, actually I don’t have any idea what would cause insomnia. :P Just hoping I can making it through the rest of the day and pass out late enough to get back on a schedule.

On a positive note, we finally renamed the band. Grazin’ Aces; Apparently a spin-off of Amazing Grace or something. Can’t say I love it, but I don’t hate it either. Suppose I’ll continue to pass the day with some more “Vampire Diaries” or whatnot. I suppose it did re-inspire me to blog again. Blogging always did help get things off my chest. In the end, All we have are memories.

DCI!

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Went and watched the DCI Championships last night with Andrew. Too CooL! Learned a lot. My ♥ still belongs to Carolina Crown. But what can I say, that’s just my state. No offense to any Blue Devil’s fans but that show was just weird… All I could think was. wtf?

Yay! Crossmen back in the top twelve! How can you say no to a sport about music?

 

DCI Place Corps Score
World Class
1 Blue Devils 98.200
2 Carolina Crown 97.450
3 Phantom Regiment 95.700
4 The Cadets 94.100
5 Santa Clara Vanguard 93.700
6 Bluecoats 92.800
7 The Cavaliers 89.400
8 Boston Crusaders 89.300

9 Madison Scouts 88.800
10 Blue Knights 87.650
11 Spirit of Atlanta 85.650
12 Crossmen 84.900
13 Blue Stars 84.600
14 Glassmen 82.250
15 The Academy 81.900
16 Pacific Crest 80.250
17 Colts 79.200
18 Troopers 77.650
19 Oregon Crusaders 77.450
20 Jersey Surf 75.450
21 Blue Devils B 73.600
22 Vanguard Cadets 72.750
23 Mandarins 71.600
24 Spartans 70.750
25 Cascades 68.750