“Buddhist philosophy says that jealousy is an emotion or feeling; a byproduct of fear. Those who can dispel fear can make sense of his actions and can be true to others and him.”
Another eventful couple of days. Went to the buffalo with Kayla and had some girlie gossip. I talked to her about open relationships in general and she agreed it might be something that might work for me. I didn’t mention specific’s but she did say “Hey, you can at least try it out. Doesn’t hurt to try new things.” She agrees that if it works it works, if not oh well, move on. So after much reflection, I believe I’m to the point I’m ready to do this. But who starts it off to test how this works out? Him or I?
Then off to with Jake to Hot Toddies, which in general sucked because Marti’s system was lagging SO bad. But I did get an ovation for singing cabaret from memory which was awesome. Upon showing up I ran into BethAnn, Tristan‘s mom, Woman is INSANE, then walk inside and Tristan is there already somewhat shit faced. Jake bought me a bottomless cup and Spencer my new boss was there, so we kicked the shit. Adam Rhodsey showed up and if I can talk my dad into playing bass, I might be able to throw a band thing together. Micheal was being super protective when I left with Tristan to go to my nephew’s house after words, texting me to be “Careful” that he doesn’t take “Advantage” of me. And I’m thinking to myself, First I’m a big girl and can handle myself. The word No does have a definition. Second, just because you crush on me doesn’t make you my guard dog. He has no right to feel possessive of me. Plus is creepy. Thirdly, I’ve been straight up with him. He’s aware I’ve been dating Knight and just needs to get over it already. He said he was cool with being friends, but if he’s gonna act like that he can go shove it. Speaking of being straight up; I did “Nonchalantly” mention to Tristan I was going to to Davenport this weekend to see the guy i’ve been dating. He was surprised and said “I thought you said that wasn’t working out?” And I replied “What gave you that impression?” He responded “I overheard you talking to your sister saying he wanted an open relationship. I know you well enough, Mina Kaye. Thats just not you.” And I retorted. “Well darling, I’m afraid you must not know me at all.” Then, I briskly reminded him of how I was when we first met and how he changed me and guilted me. He didn’t have much to say after that.
Then today Patrick and I went to lunch at Subway. *Happy* I really love subway, then we went to Natural Inspirations (my rock shop jewelry store) And I stocked up on some Buddhism books. I’m on this search for peace and if there is a way to have that calm, safe feeling I have with Knight only all the time during my day-to-day living. A list included:
The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, Reclaiming your power, creativity, brilliance, and dreams
The Hookup Handbook, A Single Girls Guide to Living It Up (Looked funny and I can pass it on to my sister if it holds any value)
If The Buddha Dated, A Handbook for finding Love on a spiritual Path
Love Em‘ Or Lose Em’, Getting Good People to Stay (Figured it would help my insecure side)
The Illustrated Dictionary of Greek and Roman Mythology
Tao in Ten, Easy Lessons for Spiritual Growth
Zen Buddhism (What seems to be a very in-depth approach)
So I’m really looking forward to seeing what sort of enlightenment I may acquire from my new books.
Work should be good tomorrow as long as I can get to bed at a decent hour tonight. Tomorrow is also my first payday, so I’m slightly excited for that as well. As long as I have enough for cigarettes and to get me to Davenport I’ll be a happy little girl. I can’t wait to see him. 3 more days. I don’t even really want to do anything except just lay in bed and cuddle all day. Wish I had a smaller suitcase. There is no need for me to pack that much this time. It’s only a couple days and I’ll probably spend it in my pajamas anyway *giggles*
*sigh* To kiss his lips again will be the greatest sensation and pleasure.