Six more days. My heart pounds with anticipation. I hear the clock ticking by the seconds slowly as I wait till the moment he’s in my arms again.
As for cosmetology school, I guess that objective was a dud. As much as I want to do whatever I want with my life, my families approval seems to weigh on me more than I’d like to accept. Yet the longer I’m in Burlington, the more I long to be rid of it. The same people, the regular faces, the carbon copy over sang repetitive karaoke songs everyone is used to hearing. The only thing tolerable about this town is I have both my siblings here to help me tolerate it. Yet how I wish I could escape. Davenport has been my only outlet. A reprieve from the mundane, a sanctuary, a place without the constraints of my perfectionist family. How I wish only to be happy, yet I feel it can never be accomplished while i’m living under the pressures of others approvals. I need out of this place. If given the opportunity I would willingly pack a bag and leave without notice. You want to know one of the worst feelings in the world to me? Feeling stuck.
But my options are limited and since the Capri idea fell through I assume as did my offer to move there. Austin still stands but I don’t want to leave my brother and sister now that I have them both. I feel internally torn and desperate for an escape or at least the hopes of one. This isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way. Burlington has a way of making this feeling more of a habit.
Stuck in a situation where I can’t see things getting better. I look at the next 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days and all I see are the same hard patterns being repeated over and over and over.
I try to give myself a little pep rally of sorts and tap into that Pollyanna girl that’s inside me somewhere. The part of me that knows the glass is half-full and chooses to see the bright side. But Pollyanna isn’t there.
Life suddenly feels like it will forever be this way.
And this dark funk eclipses me.