*Cheers* To the new Job, and all the stress it brings. It’s only my first day at this new job and its already fucking with my bubble. I hate shit that fucks with my bubble. The job itself isn’t bad at all. Not compared to Winegard at least. That place was hell. This is easy going and the staff is super sweet. I’m just stressing about my schedule and never getting to see Knight who has become my beckon of light in the darkness. When all seems lost I know he always manages to put a smile on my face with little effort. If only I could do the same for him. So basically at Hyvee I’m making salads and fruit platters. Nothing strenuous or hard. My only complaints are they need shock absorbers on the concrete, the room is FREEZING, especially once you get covered in fruit juice and water (Basically working in a cooler), and the fact that Jane, my super cool co-worker is unwilling to be flexible with the schedule, which is daunting and saddening. I’m begging the universe “Don’t let this be the reason I lose Knight.”
I saw Micheal Mitchell while I was working and as I was walking home he saw me and picked me up. I was hot and had stripped down to my wife beater so I must have seemed like I needed the break. He offered to take me to dinner and we went and ate at Applebee’s. I thought I’d only nibble but I ate an ENTIRE plate. I feel like a bottomless pit, but I later found out I started my monthly, so I was probably craving Iron because I ate my steak in two seconds flat almost. He also let me use one of his Black jackets for work because they can only be certain colors. I went home and napped then we went later to Kelly O Shea’s for karaoke with Rena. Had a couple bloody beers and a couple celebratory shots for my new job. I finally loosened up because I was super tired and uptight all day. When I returned home, I told Joe (new brother in law) my plight and he was kind enough to offer to take me to Davenport on Sundays for Gas money. I felt the world had lifted from my shoulders and things seems possible again. As though I had been baptized and saved again. Very relieved is the feeling. I can’t wait to hold Knight in my arms again. What I wouldn’t do to hear his voice tell me he misses me again.
I’ll admit, six am is a little rough, and I’m not sure how long i’ll manage to keep my eyes open, but otherwise, my first day at HyVee wasn’t too bad. It was easily tolerable compared to Winegard. I would even go as far as to say I enjoyed it. The only down fall of the position was the cold room we had to work in and the gloves were much to large for my tiny hands, but they are putting in an order for me soon. My coworker Jane was a blast to work with and she was very funny and full of laughter. I enjoyed her, except she’s not willing to switch any days what so ever so I can make it up to Davenport to see Knight… Ever. So, I’m not sure how that’s gonna work out. Knight and I are finally at the point where I want to take this serious and for that to happen is a complete let down. I’m devastated. As much as I didn’t want to rush moving in with him, I almost wonder if It won’t be necessary, just so I can at least see him.
So, my most epic day of the year was nearly ruined. But luckily with Knight by my side I stayed remotely calm and took a mellow approach to the entire day. First starting that that my dad stood me up for Fathers day. WE ALWAYS go to Snake Alley for Fathers day, and yet for the SECOND year in a row, Dad went with Wendy instead. At least last year I was here to put my foot down and be all like “OH HELL NO” (Ghetto Style) and debate that he couldn’t go without me. How does me not realize how important and significant that day is to me? We’ve gone together EVERY YEAR OF MY LIFE~! And this year to find out that they went WHILE I was on my way returning back to Burlington from Davenport, I was devastated. They were leaving as soon as I was pulling into town and simply just said Fuck it. I’m at the point where I wonder Why bother anymore. He doesn’t want to spend time with me and anytime he does spend with me is to condemn me for my choices, to tell me how to live my life, or to shove Jesus Fanatic Bullshit down my throat, to the point where I now simply say “I’m walking away now.”
Instead I spent the day with Knight, whom seems to have become my refuge. The world doesn’t seem so evil when I’m with him. Life seems like a stroll through the park, listening to the birds and enjoying a sunny day. Versus when I have to return home to the screaming kids, the evil glares, and the standards that I’m concluded I’ll never manage to live up to, and the degrading criticisms of any goal I even mention of pursuing, thus feeling like a loser with no potential.
I mentioned cosmetology school to my family and they practically screamed at me for considering it. Then when I mentioned that Knight had offered for me to move in with him I again had my ass REEMED as they brought up all my past failed relationships and how its too soon, how can you even consider that so early. Date for a year first. And in my mind I understand where they are coming from, but at the same time I feel the need to argue that you never get anywhere if you don’t take a chance, I’ve learned from all my failures and regret NONE of them, he’s actually a logical man, so for him to consider the concept must mean we are at least somewhat compatible. I’m sick and tired of being here and having the constant guilt trips on where my life is going, and to top it all off, I’ve technically taken this relationship VERY slow (if you consider my past) considering some of my relationships moved in the night I met them. Where as Knight It will be near 3 months on Independence Day, since we met on my birthday. For an Aries who just Leaps, I think I’ve been taking this quite leisurely, weighed the pros and cons, then even stopped to smell the roses. At the end of the day, besides the crew in its entirety not available to show up, the fireworks were still so pretty and managed to make me smile. While holding a handsome man I witnessed as the multicolored lights shown and reflected upon the waters of the mighty Mississippi and Smiled contently.