Therapy with Dr Bair

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Wednesday brought on several issues that made me feel the desperate need to seek therapy again. Speaking with the dry humored, witty, and sarcastic Dr Bair, I always leave his office with a feeling that I can once again conquer the world. He essentially allows me rant for about an hour while also rephrasing what I say in a way that makes my worries seem validated, then puts my baggage into perspective; Giving me ways to cope and move forward, aka:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy – focuses on the way people think and act to help them with their emotionaland behavioral problems.CBT is a powerful treatment because it combines scientific, philosophical, and behavioral aspects into one comprehensive approach to understanding and overcoming common psychological problems.
Getting scientific. CBT is scientific not only in the sense that it has been tested and developed through numerous scientific studies, but also in the sense that it encourages clients to become more like scientists. For example, during CBT, you may develop the ability to treat your thoughts as theories and hunches about reality to be tested (what scientists call hypotheses), rather than as facts. Getting philosophical. CBT recognizes that people hold values and beliefs about themselves, the world, and other people. One of the aims of CBT is to help people develop flexible, non-extreme, and self-helping beliefs that help them adapt to reality and pursue their goals. Your problems are not all just in your mind. Although CBT places great emphasis on thoughts and behavior as powerful areas to target for change and development, it also places your thoughts and behaviors within a context. CBT recognizes that you’re influenced by what’s going on around you and that your environment makes a contribution towards the way you think, feel, and act. However, CBT maintains that you can make a difference to the way you feel by changing unhelpful ways of thinking and behaving – even if you can’t change your environment. Incidentally, your environment in the context of CBT includes other people and the way they behave towards you. Getting active. As the name suggests, CBT also strongly emphasizes behavior. Many CBT techniques involve changing the way you think and feel by modifying the way you behave. Examples include gradually becoming more active if you’re depressed and lethargic, or facing your fears step by step if you’re anxious. CBT also places emphasis on mental behaviors, such as worrying and where you focus your attention. – A personal development book I’ve been reading

Poke perfection In The Eye:

So, Work dropped a bomb on me wednesday which basically initiated the recent chain of events to attend therapy again. I explained to Dr Bair my fears after they stated I wasn’t going fast enough. My heart sank. Not only did I fear letting them down, but also if I failed the possible loss of a job. Although Janer comforts me and states “Don’t Worry, You’ll Get Faster.” I can’t help but in the back of my head fear “But what if I don’t?

He reassured me that if you don’t “Big deal! Your tough and you’ll survive. You’ll find another job. BUT this is also another growing experience. Poke Perfection In The Eye!” Almost literally me meant it. He wants me to imagine standing up to a bully. Let it be sloppy. Don’t let perfection win, and eventually it will begin to retreat.

Continue Blogging:

He told me I was doing a very good thing by continuing the blogging. He said I showed improvement in the past as well when I practiced this technique before. He gave me permission to use it as a place to vent, hold no bars. And to look back from time to time and realize progress.

List Daily Gratitude:

“Be grateful for small mercies.” People who maintain a gratitude journal are healthier, more optimistic, and more likely to make progress toward achieving personal goals. 

Studies report people are 25% happier and more energetic if they keep gratitude journals, have 20% less envy and resentment, sleep 10% longer each night and wake up 15% more refreshed, exercise 33% more and show a 10% drop in blood pressure compared to persons who do not.

Meditate Daily:

Scientific research has shown that meditation has many benefits for our well-being, including:

  • Increasing our ability to withstand stress
  • Making us feel more rested
  • Helping to relieve and reduce pain
  • Lowering our blood pressure
  • Increasing our immunity.

What’s more, regular practice over time can literally change the structure of our brains so that we are able to experience more positive emotion.

But that’s not all, there is evidence that meditation can also help improve: our ability to focus, our level of alertness, our memory, our academic performance and creativity.

Practicing meditation has been shown to help us get in touch with our feelings and over time it can increase how happy and optimistic we feel as well as our sense of spirituality. It can help us accept who we are and increase our sense of fulfilment. It can also help us build empathy and compassion and so help improve our relationships with other people.

You Will Survive Failure:

When he mentioned this Dr Bair was slightly blunt and honest. “You could fail, but failure is not a bad thing, you learn from it, and your are strong enough to survive it. If you lose this job, you will be fine and continue to move on and find something better suited to you.”

High Standards Ruin a Relationship:

I told him about Andrew and how it ended vs the relationship I have newly become acquainted. One of the things that stood out was about Andrew. When describing him I say he is perfect. He’s a go getter. He will have a great future and accomplish whatever he sets his mind too. I would vote him most likely to become a millionaire. But while with him there were too many stressors cause by these wonderful traits that he possessed. I never felt his equal. I always somehow felt inferior. I lacked his willpower. He would push to to quit smoking, or work out. Goals that I had set for myself. He only wanted the best for me. He honestly and genuinely pressured me out of love, but it also became the reason I grew to resent him. I always felt I wasn’t good enough and he deserved better. How I want nothing more than to be “enough” for someone. I never felt I would be able to live up to his the high standards he had for me, which he so encouragingly believed I could accomplish, thus left with the feeling of failure and that I was consistently letting him down.

Knight on the other hand has been a breath of fresh are in this matter. I don’t feel nagged to change who I am, or expected to meet any standard. The only request I think i’ve ever acquired was if I moved in to pay two hundred in rent. Not an unreasonable request in the least. He doesn’t down on me for not working full time, or demanding I move up at my job. I don’t feel insecure about my weight around him, where around Andrew I felt obese and unsightly. I find it easier to open up to him without the worry of being judged for my demented thought processes or vulgar opinions. He’s generally more offensive in opinions than I am, and I love him for them. Essentially, I don’t feel the constant burden of pressure weighing me down about money, looks, politeness, goals I haven’t managed yet, etc.

Read About The 5 Love Languages:

Last but not least, Dr Bair ONCE again brought up the book The 5 Love Languages. (<–Linked to it) He swears by this book. Its not the first time he has mentioned it to me. I was expressing how I want to be a good lover to whom I’m with, but I always feel like I’m not doing enough or what I should be. He said both Knight and I should read it and discuss it. He said it would help to make us the happy couple we want to be.

I let feeling better, but long story short. I have a lot of work to do before I can find that Zen place I seek.

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