Utterly Used Up


This new job is kicking my ass. I signed up for part-time work and instead have received full-time hours. Anywhere from 32 to 38 is what Knight said I was scheduled. Between that, band, and school work I’ve been so exhausted I barely had time to bathe. There was a span of at least 3 days that I didn’t. How disgusting. Not to mention I haven’t been able to make anytime for my sister or Knight let alone get to cook for them. *pouts* I’m not sure what to think of the place. The employees are… not very nice, incredibly catty, and gossip a majority of the time. I understand why they complain, I mean, that one guy is super lazy, but in my opinion I’d rather call him out to his face.

I feel as though this is having repercussions on Knight and Desi and I feel like an inconvenience. I don’t feel like I’m being able to come through enough for them and It gives me that let down feeling. I thought I could handle everything. Apparently I must be in over my head.

Kip also called me last night and today. I blew him off to go to bed last night and complete missed his call today while not bothering to return it. I’m finally happy. I can’t have him coming up into my life just to fuck with my head all over again. I’ve said goodbye to him too many times and each time it gets harder and more difficult like once your muscles start to give out after too much push ups. At least this time I have something to fight for. A real reason to say no more. I’ve moved on. Perhaps that’s his plan. He eggs me on once he discovers I’ve moved on just to see if I’m still his toy that he can use and sway to his bidding. But I am free, and I have found what I’ve searched for. Someone whom I want to stand beside and continue the journey beside me. He has little sway over my feelings anymore, and I can boldly state I no longer belong to him. Though it may sound weird to some to refer to oneself as property, but I think of it more of a Tarzan and Jane situation and how he protects her. Knight is my champion. He is all I need.