A Purrfect Weekend


This weekend could not have been more perfect. Even though Friday was stressful with the gig being canceled, Knight and I drove down to Muscatine to pick up my new car. A 2000 Royal Blue Grand Prix. He’s beautiful. I shall name him Francious after my ferret whom I miss so much. She rides wonderfully.

I was able to DJ down at the Circle Tap then after raised some hell with friends. Saturday Knight and I spent the day in bed geeking out on Breaking Bad; the final season. It has been a growing relationship with these characters. We packed our bags and headed for Dubuque Iowa. I’ve never been before. Pulling up to the bar, were a TON of Bikers. I was excited. I LOVE biker bars. Bikers have so much fun! We had dancer’s the ENTIRE evening and they even paid us more than promised. Not to mention we had like 3 of 4 other bar owners offer to book our band. It was a successful evening. The boys think we will do very well in Dubuque. I didn’t pay for a single drink, unless you count the ones I bought my boyfriend. The ride home was just as interesting as we passed by the outskirts of a storming witnessing Red Lightening. I’ve never seen anything such my entire life.

That night was technically the day, but for obvious reasons Knight and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary Sunday. We woke up and met up with his sister, her kids and at Knights mom’s for an “indoor” picnic due to the weather being crappy. Ate some yummy soup, watched “How to train your pet Dragon”, then realized we were so drowsy I could barely stay awake anymore and needed to get up and moving. BUT we were able to meet Kassie’s new little one, a girl, Ashlyn. She has a darling button nose. Though I think Knight and I took away a lot from that time spent with the kids. He was being trampled over by the boys Mikey and TJ, then with a dramatic look mouthed the word “NEVER” over and over again. *giggles*. And prior to this moment I was able to hold onto Ashlyn, but to my surprise I received no “Ticking Clock” or “Want to Be a Mom” instinct. I was strangely surprised by this fact as I had seen it happen to my best friend Kayla, the ice queen. So why not me? How come I lack this motherly crisis that all my friends have apparently subjected themselves to? Realizing I was the LAST of all friends from prior years to succumb to the extending of “Family”, I’ve gone out in search of answers. Today I apparently found mine. Before I thought, well, perhaps i’m missing out, feeling left behind, but holding the child I felt selfish, and witnessed how much it took to be a mother. Kassie running around, quite leveled headed considering, barely able to keep all 3 boys in check or humored. I concluded I have come out ahead. Ashlyn was tiny and squishy, but still no overwhelming feeling of “OH I must have one!” I was never playing house as a child, and I despised baby dolls. Their blinking eyes creeped me out, and that was even before watching the movie “Chucky”. I suck with my Barbie dolls who had curves and loved the concept of dress up. I suppose I was shallow even at that age. So I think the better part of me has basically gotten this out of my system. I’m now currently 26 years old. I think I got lucky and missed the mother flu. My pets stress me out enough as it is. I still concur that I would make a terrible mother, if not slack, then likely over-baring like my own was. I’ll throw my time and energy into other things, and when Ashlyn gets of age where dress up becomes a fun thing, then I can be the cool pageant aunt, unless she ends up being a tom boy or country chick, then maybe I’ll just take them all to concerts or what not. As for Knight, I thought the pictures spoke for themselves. *Evil Giggle*

That afternoon returning home was the best. Knight spoiled me with our favorite meal that we made together when we first met. Grilled cheese hamburgers with tomato soup for dipping. He toasted the buns and even lit candles. I made the brownies and enjoyed his company. I was so happily content. I told him it didn’t take much to make me happy, just make the effort and make it sentimental. I was grateful in that moment and realized he really is a good man and I’m very lucky to have won his affections. Our posts that weekend went as such:

One year ago, he showed up at my doorstep, dressed to the nines and pretending to be a gentleman. *giggles* He was charming and mysterious. He woo’d me over dinner, and captivated me with karaoke. He left me with a kiss that memorized me for three weeks until the next one. I didn’t see him coming and I didn’t realize it then, but I was head over heals. One year later and I’m still just as enamored. Knight, you have become my shining beacon; coming into my life when I had given up hope of ever finding someone like you. I love how I rarely have to ask you to take the trash out or how you, me, the cat, and the dog have become our own little family. I delight in knowing that not a day goes past that you don’t kiss me goodbye before leaving for work, or how the safest place in the world is my head on your chest. I’m happy feeling like your family has become my family and I relish in your patience and unconditional love. This is one year of my life I would gladly do over and over again. Happy Anniversary Darling. I adore you. — feeling loved.
1 year ago I began a new journey in which I began seeing my lovely girlfriend Mina Kaye Jaeger. It was when she got to meet the real me: Mexican food addict who looks good in purple, likes karaoke and thinks beer is icky. From that point on I put a few thousand miles on my car just to spend time with her, driving six hours a weekend just to pick her up and drop her off. Wouldn’t take back a minute or a mile because it all, in the end, made us realize how perfect for each other we are and how I wouldn’t want to waste one more without her by my side. I love you baby, happy anniversary



Therapy today went AWESOME. Apparently I impressed. He said he thought I was just self destructive but he said that by going through my list and with me explaining what I had done in the past couple weeks that he really see’s what I am in therapy to gain. He seemed really proud of me. He was surprised to find me more traditional than he had first assumed.

I Want:

  1. To plan my marriage, not my wedding. (Too many do and are divorced months later. It’s not about a day, it is about a lifetime.)
  2. A husband to love me unconditionally & tenderly (Like my daddy)
  3. To be a good wife (To keep a structured household and love just as fully)
  4. To always be honest, even overly.
  5. To have a happy medium in life & never worry about where next months rent comes from.
  6. To follow my daily to do & budgets.
  7. To weigh an ideal body weight for my height (110-115 pds)
  8. To perform at Steamboat Days (Lifelong Dream)
  9. To be the most sought after cover band in Iowa
  10. To pay off my school & other debts (Current debt of 41,774)
  11. To learn the hobbies I’ve put off (Sewing & Piano)
  12. To own the Earth Ship (Self Sustained Living)
  13. To be the lead singer of a wedding Big Band
  14. To travel the world, eating all the food, meeting all the people.
  15. To have my other half madly in love with me, like a movie moment. (10 things I hate about you still stands out from my childhood)
  16. To have a Clerical job by day and as a musician by night
  17. To be closer to my siblings
  18. To stand for Freedom and Self-Expression
  19. To not be a Nag
  20. To dance in every summer rain (Remember Kimberly, and her innocence)
  21. To think like a Buddhist by not dwelling on stress and always expressing gratitude.

He was surprised that I stated I was not a very organized person, but when I told him everything that Knight and I had accomplished in the past two weeks he seemed very impressed. He loved my launch pad concept by the door and he was very supportive of my decision to drop out of school, focus on acquiring a job and begin attacking my debts. He never once brought up the problems with Knight and my relationship, which I was grateful for, and instead I explained my purposes behind some of my self destructive behavior that had been mentioned in our last meeting. My slutty factor was based on acquiring the gratification of self worth, to feel loved for the moment, and hope that it stuck (although it never did because none of them were for me) and my voyeurism (mostly pertaining to having a public blog) has been as a place to vent but also as a way to hold me accountable to my honesty. The lies I told in my youth still plague me and I live everyday having to avoid explaining the truth behind them or the reasons I said them to begin with. But now I have the world through this blog to keep me truthful. I can not handle keeping track of the lies and sense I swore myself to complete and utter honesty all those years ago it has made me grow as a person ten fold, even when admitting my faults to others and having the strength to apologize when I’m wrong.

He said to focus on how to make everything come into play. I have a lot of planning to do.

April Ends on a High Note

Dear Kimberly,
As if April hasn’t already provided enough astrological action, there are still major transits to deal with before the month can come to a close. Happily, however, this time they all have the potential to help move your life forward!The most major upcoming event, of course, is a solar eclipse in Taurus on April 29. This powerful new Moon will serve as a wake-up call, helping you make constructive decisions and then put them into action! Taurus will do its best to ensure your ideas are grounded, workable, and designed to last, but you’ll still need to demonstrate common sense — and a lot of persistence — to ensure that your long-term plans work out for the best.

Also on April 29, Mercury aligns with Pluto for deep thinking and persuasive arguments. Get ready for incredible encounters and intense discussions!

The action-packed month finally wraps up on a positive note as Mercury enjoys a pleasant transit with enthusiastic, confident Jupiter on April 30. You’ll think positively and your spirits will be high as certain things that only recently seemed unattainable will suddenly appear before your very eyes!

Your Weekly Horoscope April 27, 2014 to May 3, 2014


Your Weekly Horoscope

April 27, 2014 to May 3, 2014

You’re likely to analyze your cash flow, income, and earning power. You are more practical and rational in your approach to finances now. With your conscious mind focused on money and possessions, as well as personal values, this can be a strong period for gathering new money-making ideas. Alternatively, it could be a time when you tend to fret over your finances. Conversations tend to be practical rather than frivolous now. Financial gain may come through communications.

The same period is likely to pose health and stress-related problems, even your mental attitudes could take a bit of beating if things don’t come up to your expectations. Don’t have unrealistic hopes so that there are no disappointments. Financial agreements, benefits from legacies/inheritance are all favored. There are important decisions that will have to be thought out carefully, and weighed and the calm, rational mindset you have acquired over the recent months will stand you in good stead.

I hate hiccups.


Hiccups are the most annoying thing EVER. When I hiccup I feel rude. I’m interrupting someones conversation, or making the silence “AWKWARD”.  I think it is rude, but can’t be helped, like a crying child in the middle of church. REMOVE it from the situation. How is he sleeping through this. God I missed him. How did I win the most perfect man in the world. hiccups are like backwards burps, but why don’t they stop? what causes them and has there ever been found the cure for the common hiccup? You would think something so basic would have a remedy with something other than the family cure of supercalafragulisticexpealldoeous. *le sigh* 

Ps. Knight is so handsome when he sleeps.


my power today lies in remarkable gratitude. I am not a victim. There are no lost causes. “I’ve been there, done that, and know suffering — but it’s all good.” I’m still standing. “Can’t touch this.” Self-pity is an excuse to do nothing. To appeal to sympathy for pity’s sake is to seek affirmation of the choice to do nothing. I am empowered by the spirit and support of meaningful experience and I transform with silent resilience.

Stressing Out


I am about to have a cow. I am so stressed, pissed, and frustrated I could pull my hair out. So tonight was supposed to be the grand opening of some bar in Muscatine that my band Whiplash Abby was supposed to play for, but then it was “Canceled” or “Postponed” due to something wrong with their bar taps. Turns out none of this was true and the owner had let go of an employee who was apparently on parole and wasn’t even allowed in the bars. Well, he backlashed, canceled our band, booked others for non existing gigs and wiped out her bank account completely. This in turn made it so I wouldn’t have work at the Circle Tap running karaoke and all the while we are ATTEMPTING to rebook while running into walls and I still haven’t heard back from the guy who is supposed to deliver my new car. *Breaths a huge breath* I have this furrowed eyebrow that won’t go away and can’t seem to shake the tension. One second I’m working, then I’m not, then I’m working, then I switch working, then I’m not working, and now I’m working. I could bang my brain against a wall in frustration. Please something, somebody cut me a break! Not to mention I couldn’t sleep last night. Tossing and turning constantly. So much for my idea to wake up early. I need hugs from my boyfriend… *pouts*

Hope for an Earth Ship


Hmm. Not sure what to think, but I just don’t feel like today lived up to yesterday. I still saw the effort, but not as much of the sincerity. Yesterday we spoke about the future, how to make our dreams attainable. Children are apparently not in the cards, especially not financially wise, but I’m alright with this. Although yesterday I feel like I also missed out on my opportunity. He closed the windows and shut the door, generally a precursor to … you know… but I wasn’t feeling it. But after our discussion yesterday, the feeling on being included in his future and life long goals I felt a glimpse of my feelings reignited. Today I had hopes, but the moment never felt right. Yesterday I felt a romantic spark, but today I felt again like a to do.  Perhaps my depression weighed too heavy on him.

In ten years we want to have made the EARTH SHIP a reality, to be financially sound, to pay our way out of debt, and to have jobs that reflect out passions. This house we currently reside in will be part of our lives for at least the next ten years. That gives me plenty of time to bring it up to date, to manage repairs, and up its retail value. In ten years knight will have invested in the mortgage which will allow us to upgrade in due time. The question still stands do we want to keep the house at that point, rent it out, and save up for the earth ship or do we sell and use the upgraded value of the house to put into the next home. The biggest weight of everything is the debt I occurred attending full sail and will be paying for it for the next 20 years most likely. Even today he remarked about how he doesn’t want children and with weighing out our dreams I believe we have decided, unless by some miracle he finds a fantastic income that he loves. I’m okay with this though. Personally I don’t want to deal with the stressors I see that modern day parents in this economy have to deal with. It’s too much. But the point to this is I feel included. We have a dream, a future that I’m included in. A purpose, something to fight for and stop making stupid choices over. This past week has made me remember how stingy with money I used to be. I almost forgot what it’s like to  say “Were Broke“, but I’ve felt a since of pride every time I’ve told myself that we are and not to go splurge on Jimmy John’s.

Tomorrow I’m supposed to get my car. Not sure if they’ll come through because they did not return my call today, but I’m crossing my fingers.

Transits to Help You Rise Through the Professional Ranks

Dear Kimberly,
After recently dumpingan abundance of high-octane energy on you, the universe is seemingly ready to take a break … or, at the very least, tone down its energies to make them lower-key and easier to handle. Expect a number of planets to continue to jostle each other, however!First up is a Venus-Saturn alignment on April 25 that will help cooler heads prevail after the recent bout of intense astrological activity. This sensible transit will bring sophistication and hard work to the forefront.

April 26 will continue the business-focused trend as the Taurus Sun sidles up to Mercury. The messenger planet will overshadow Taurus’ slow and steady tendencies, helping words and ideas flow that much more quickly and smoothly. Get ready to turn your energies toward solving problems and producing results!

Just remember to take time to turn inward on April 26, when Mercury also aligns with Neptune. You’ll gather the intuition and hunches you’ll need to make yourself even more accomplished — if you pay attention to them!

Finally, Neptune pops up once again on April 27 when it aligns with the Sun, bestowing a mood of sympathy and kindness. This will be an especially low-energy day, so prepare to drift and amble along as you enjoy the scenery — and any individuals who may appear.

For someone who is constantly thinking, You don’t say much.


Thank you for today. I needed you.

Still not sure what is wrong with me, but you managed to re-spark interest, slightly. All evening I realized over and over how much I need you, but I can’t handle being let down right now. Keep it all inside; to yourself, if you must do what you must. Otherwise I need all your effort for I have given you all of mine. You are still my everything. I’d never rather be the little spoon to anyone else. You are all the big spoon I’ll ever need; as long as you are there to be it.