You’re Just an Appetite.

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Its been a struggle. One I can’t say I was prepared for. I lay here on Lindy’s couch listening to the rain and calm acoustic, staring out the window pondering over the past weeks of my life.  I feel stern. I lack luster, drained of passion; taken over by overwhelming sadness. I lack hope. I lack enthusiasm. I look onward to realize that saturday is my last day with Knight as my own, but everything has gotten in the way, that this time alone together doesn’t feel as constructive as it should have been. I am not healed. Still shattered and now filled with dread. I don’t look forward to returning home. The amount of effort it takes to keep my spirits high is waning quickly. I don’t think I have the strength and I sigh for release. I don’t have any clue how to fix this. I believe this is what they call giving up.

There is nothing left of me to give.

YOU WANT MY LOVE 
TAKE IT ALL
YOU WANT TO WATCH IT ALL COME OFF 
TAKE IT ALL
COME ON NOW
SHOW ME HOW 
YOU TAKE IT ALL

YOU WANT MY GLOVE
ARE YOU ENTHRALLED?
YOU WANT TO SEE IT SLIP AWAY AND WATCH IT FALL
OH WE KNOW
ITS YOUR SHOW
SO TAKE IT ALL

YOU WANT THE MOVEMENT TO
SEE WHAT THE HIPS CAN DO
COME WATCH THE SLINKY GIRL
SEE HOW THE PASTIES TWIRL
TO MAKE YOUR BELLS ALL RING
FULFILLING EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED

SO GO AHEAD
TAKE IT ALL
YOU WANT MY SOUL
TAKE IT ALL
ITS TIME TO LEAVE
IF IM TO LIVE
BECAUSE I HAVE NO MORE
THERES NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE

I WATCH YOU RISE
I WATCH YOU FALL
WHILE I AM STANDING WITH MY BACK AGAINST THE WALL
NOW ITS YOUR TURN TO FINALLY LEARN
YOU HAD THE WORLD
YOU HAD YOUR FLING
YOU WANTED MORE THAN EVERYTHING
YOU GOT YOUR WISH
YOU GOT YOUR PRIZE
NOW TAKE IT RIGHT BETWEEN YOUR THIGHS
YOU GRABBED FOR EVERYTHING MY FRIEND
BUT DONT YOU SEE THAT IN THE END
THERE WILL BE NOTHING LEFT OF ME

“Thank you. Thank you for reminding me I’m not special. You don’t even see what you do, do you? Even the moments I think are ours are just you working to get what you want. You’re just an appetite. And if you stop being greedy you’ll die. You take everything, and I’m empty. You know I’m glad that I can see now, it’s hopeless.”

– Marion Cotillard “NINE”