Finally, A decent nights rest. My own bed; a treasure. Knight came through for me last night and today. An entire day as the little spoon has many healing powers. Our sex life is still in jeopardy, but affection and romance can go a long way. Communication is still key and I appreciate him making such efforts to try. Sexually, my mind may no longer be responsive due to the constant fight inside my head. Still a lengthy way to go to fight this depression, but I’m no longer at the brink of hopelessness. As long as he tries and continues to fight, so will I.
Easter weekend was exhausting. I managed to spend time with most everyone except Kayla, so in that aspect I was productive, but it ended with so many feelings raging through me, I could have collapsed from mental exhaustion. The weekend began with him dropping me off with my mother. We had a pretty serious talk in the car, and the many emotions I have been harboring seem to be exploding out one my one. He left my side with no real closure of hope, leaving me to fester in my resentment. The result, a lack of interest on my part. The constant pursuit has exhausted me, the lack of mutual interest has devastated leaving me but a shell of my former self. My band commenting on my lack of interest. I even broke down bawling admitting my recent failures. Knight’s loving effort upon my return is the only thing saving me right now. Without it I could have walked calming off a cliff, but right now I’m almost dreading this weekend, our anniversary and what that means will happen after, I swear if I hear another word of other woman I still just might.
While falling asleep to an episode of clean house, the new “soon to be” husband would not let go of his bedside JLO posters. They commented on that does not make his future wife to be feel like a top priority. I feel like I can relate to this in more than one way. I wish he would stop rubbing woman in my face when I obviously fail in keeping his attention.
|As April progresses, the planets will find themselves in a cosmic game of pinball, with lots of restless energies banging around during the coming week.Fortunately, the first planetary alignments will be gentle, as Venus interacts with both Jupiter and Pluto on April 18. The mood will be social and seductive — so enjoy it while it lasts!
On April 20, the Sun will do its best to add some stability to the upcoming action by moving into solid, patient Taurus for four weeks. Anything the Sun can do to help ground these excitable energies will be greatly appreciated, since Jupiter also squares and opposes Uranus and Pluto on April 20. You’ll feel a sudden release of tension, but your overconfidence could backfire if you push too hard to get your way.
The biggest challenge will occur with the Uranus-Pluto square on April 21. The days surrounding this event will further erode any old ways of doing things, while also denying you the freedom to escape from nettlesome, unnecessary obligations. Think of this episode as a test of patience, so do your best to persevere!
Mars then comes along on April 22 in an enthusiastic square to Jupiter — but again, watch your confidence levels. Since Mars will also oppose and square Uranus and Pluto on April 23, you’ll want to exercise caution to mitigate ill-advised words or actions.
Happily, a calming effect will also start to take hold on April 23, when Mercury follows the Sun into stalwart Taurus.
April 20, 2014 to April 26, 2014
You will assess and pick holes in your total self – personality, physique, health, and how you want to project yourself. You face yourself both actually and figuratively in the mirror and try to come face-to-face with your innermost self. You also take a close, subjective look at your relationships, bonding with people (including marriage). You take a closer look at your earning capacity too. Do not get carried away into making wrong career moves, wrong investments, or gambles with a high risk factor.
A challenge involving work responsibilities or your future objectives is likely. Tantrums and emotional outbursts MUST be kept in check, and a balance between work and family concerns should be worked at judiciously. Systematic, regular work and regular family time/interactions are your best bet. Too much of a social life may also bring very high expenses. It would help to remember that overdoing things may result in diminishing returns.
For the Week of Apr 21st, 2014 — Love is not exactly easy for you these days, Aries. You’re in a major process of deciding what’s worth fighting for in many areas of your life. When it comes to relationships, you might be ready to wave the white flag if you haven’t already done so. An attitude of “Whatever is meant to be will be” might actually do you some good this week. You’re used to grabbing life by the horns and making things happen, but lately that approach isn’t getting you far. Don’t instigate a partner this week; lay low and see what happens
The Knight of Chalices card suggests that you may be motivated to act by an emotional connection, true love or a desire to live up to a romantic ideal. Your intentions, while honorable, could lead to disappointment or leave you vulnerable, for following your heart might cause you to be unreasonable in your expectations for others. There is a price to pay for living a fairy tale, but if you have confidence in your identity, you can bring romance into your relationship or love life without needing to be rescued.
TRhe Sun card suggests that my alter ego is the Golden Child, whose superpower for celebration lies in expressing my love, joy and pride. I will be happy today, reflecting on the simple joys in life and my glory days. It’s all good! You are in your happy place — shining brightly for all to see. It may seem too good to be true, but don’t worry and enjoy the experience while it lasts.
Its been a struggle. One I can’t say I was prepared for. I lay here on Lindy’s couch listening to the rain and calm acoustic, staring out the window pondering over the past weeks of my life. I feel stern. I lack luster, drained of passion; taken over by overwhelming sadness. I lack hope. I lack enthusiasm. I look onward to realize that saturday is my last day with Knight as my own, but everything has gotten in the way, that this time alone together doesn’t feel as constructive as it should have been. I am not healed. Still shattered and now filled with dread. I don’t look forward to returning home. The amount of effort it takes to keep my spirits high is waning quickly. I don’t think I have the strength and I sigh for release. I don’t have any clue how to fix this. I believe this is what they call giving up.
There is nothing left of me to give.
YOU WANT MY LOVE
TAKE IT ALL
YOU WANT TO WATCH IT ALL COME OFF
TAKE IT ALL
COME ON NOW
SHOW ME HOW
YOU TAKE IT ALL
YOU WANT MY GLOVE
ARE YOU ENTHRALLED?
YOU WANT TO SEE IT SLIP AWAY AND WATCH IT FALL
OH WE KNOW
ITS YOUR SHOW
SO TAKE IT ALL
YOU WANT THE MOVEMENT TO
SEE WHAT THE HIPS CAN DO
COME WATCH THE SLINKY GIRL
SEE HOW THE PASTIES TWIRL
TO MAKE YOUR BELLS ALL RING
FULFILLING EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED
SO GO AHEAD
TAKE IT ALL
YOU WANT MY SOUL
TAKE IT ALL
ITS TIME TO LEAVE
IF IM TO LIVE
BECAUSE I HAVE NO MORE
THERES NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE
I WATCH YOU RISE
I WATCH YOU FALL
WHILE I AM STANDING WITH MY BACK AGAINST THE WALL
NOW ITS YOUR TURN TO FINALLY LEARN
YOU HAD THE WORLD
YOU HAD YOUR FLING
YOU WANTED MORE THAN EVERYTHING
YOU GOT YOUR WISH
YOU GOT YOUR PRIZE
NOW TAKE IT RIGHT BETWEEN YOUR THIGHS
YOU GRABBED FOR EVERYTHING MY FRIEND
BUT DONT YOU SEE THAT IN THE END
THERE WILL BE NOTHING LEFT OF ME
“Thank you. Thank you for reminding me I’m not special. You don’t even see what you do, do you? Even the moments I think are ours are just you working to get what you want. You’re just an appetite. And if you stop being greedy you’ll die. You take everything, and I’m empty. You know I’m glad that I can see now, it’s hopeless.”
– Marion Cotillard “NINE”
Daily Love Tarot Card for Wednesday, April 16
The Ace of Pentacles card reversed suggests that a possible sexual encounter or tempting material offer is little more than a chance to explore a purely physical attraction or craving. When seeking to gratify sensual pleasures, you may not need to look any further than your own backyard. You may just need a bit more support or nurturing, particularly if things like work, health or sexual dysfunction are interfering with making a love connection or enjoying yourself. Consider that avoidance or excuses of pressing romantic issues may be sapping more physical energy from you than if you were simply upfront or open about what is missing in your love life.
Daily Love Tarot Card for Tuesday, April 15 IRS
The Wheel card suggests that your relationship or romantic game plan may take an unexpected turn. If you go with the flow, let it run its course and remain flexible, the odds are that you may find something you like, get lucky, break out of negative patterns or cycles or set something new in motion.
Daily Love Tarot Card for Monday, April 14
The Six of Pentacles card reversed suggests that greed or carelessness could lead to losing your advantage or upsetting the balance of your relationship. Examine your motives and trust in the worthiness of your investment or lover before planting the seeds for any potentially fertile activities — otherwise support or rewards may turn out to be less than expected or withheld, or used to buy affections. You can’t put a price on trust, love or happiness. The tables may turn, and the receiver could gain the upper hand or achieve independence from the provider, resulting in a cat-and-mouse cycle of manipulation. You may then feel alone with nothing left to give or do. Remember to give and not only will you receive, but you will always have enough to go around.
knight 3 pop tires, canceled band practice, made budgets