Livid

Standard

F****** A. I am so damn livid right now I can barely see straight. sigh. The boys downstairs have been repetitively blowing off Knight going to the gym without him and also to the bars without him feeling welcome. I decided to inquire with my sister about it but instead of her explaining it, she became defensive. I had to join Knight at a SCW and I couldn’t stand to be there any longer. I was so livid just listening to her and looking at their faces I had to get out immediately. I want to cry so hard and for so long that there’s nothing left but to collapse. I wish there was a way to fix this but the negativity that they send in my general direction is overwhelming and difficult to bare. It’s to the point were I will get in the vehicle and they won’t say hello back to me. And now with them having my sister get defensive towards me in genuinely mean no matter how much I just try to express my feelings, the resentment I have towards them grows and I legitimately no longer want to be around. I honestly would prefer to fix the downstairs apartment up and rent it out to complete strangers. And when faced with the situation that Deseree would leave also its not like she has much to do with me now. It’s heartbreaking because I had put this relationship with my sister on a pedestal and instead even though I sacrificed everything I could to get us here, away from the parents, so that she could have freedom and not feel controlled, I feel as though I’m more of a burden. And she’d be more than happy to leave me behind as well. Starting to wonder if I should just give up and stop caring so much. I suppose it is an understatement when I say it’s been a bad day.

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