Let The Resentment Begin…

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“There’s sex, which is just going through the motions. There’s bad sex, which is like when somebody has no clue what they’re doing or it just doesn’t work and you can’t wait for it to be over. And then there’s good, amazing sex, where some how this person knows exactly know what to do and you can’t stop kissing them and you’re using sex to step inside their soul.” Madison Moore

My boyfriend goes through the motions. Half the time I wonder if he even realizes I’m there. I spent this weekend driving in a state of  contemplation. I know it’s an open relationship, but it’s the way he goes about doing it and then never touches me. Has no clue as to what romance is, and yet I can meet a random guy who’s also into astrology and he can make it feel like the world stops rotating. The harder I try in this relationship and to give him what he wants or make compromises the more I question WTF am I doing trying so hard? The stuff he says to these woman is unbelievable, but he never even tries when it comes to me. However Scorpio was very charming, and was a wonderful reminder of how I should be treated. The level of resentment I feel in the moment weighs heavy. To be honest, I don’t even recall us agreeing to go back to an open relationship. I remember us discussing that when he did decide to go back to the open relationship, I didn’t want to know when he did things, but I just don’t recall giving the okay, because I sure as hell didn’t know and I remember being scared to death about when it was going to start happening again, but i’ve been fine because we haven’t discussed the impending doom and it’s potential return. Apparently it came back on it’s own accord. Otherwise, I probably wouldn’t have turned Scorpio down. Screw it, if he’s going to go fuck other women, but never touch me, I say to hell with it. I’ll get what I need from somewhere else. Find me a lover on the side who can actually stimulate not only my mind, but my loins once in awhile. So as perfect as my life was yesterday, he ruined it. It goes to prove how perfect we were as a regular couple, and already how fucked up in the head I will become from once again opening that can of worms.

 

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