Finally, Reality Check

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Thank you for that great slap in the face. That realization to remind that what I am doing is for good reason. That part of me that for months has longed in anguish as to torture my sanity leaving me hurdled in a ball. After I spoke with my mother about this decision I started second guessing and thinking about how good you are to me and how well you treat me and wondered if I was doing the right thing by leaving for a while. Well I have my reminder. Thank you for that.

We definitely need time and space apart because if there is ever a chance forĀ us sharing a future then we need to work on ourselves. I need to get more zen and you seriously need to attend counseling because I seriously have little faith in our future if you don’t. Whatever trauma you experienced in your youth has molded you in a way that you’re detached emotionally from things you shouldn’t be, and clinging to things that shouldn’t take priority. Your upbringing has left you with baggage preventing you from expressing yourself in a healthy manner and it is like a sinking ship while I am already clinging to a raft going down with you. I know I have baggage as well, but between the two of us if we don’t get our shit together it will continue to be a vicious cycle of negativity. I’m leaving to find myself, and if you really want us to have any hope I suggest you get the help you need and do the same.

Figures

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Well, I was in a good mood, even got to leave early from work, thought we might cuddle and spend quality time, but he sure has a way of making me feel small and insignificant. Again I feel like crying because of being shot down. Two weeks ago he made an effort and nothing since. Not only do I never feel wanted but my natural womanly issues are apparently also a problem. Just another of the million reasons not to have sex with the short Heffer cow. I hate feeling like I’m ugly and unwanted. I throw my hands up in defeat. Why do I even bother?