I dispise heartache


My mind is in a million places at the moment. It took him awhile, but he finally opened up to me. We discussed some deep issues and settled on some common grade should every go amiss. I know he loves me, I really do, but I can’t help but wonder if maybe he’s not “In” love with me. I can’t fight the feeling that maybe I was “settled for”. Or perhaps I’m just stupid for expecting some movie kind of love, but realistically I’m aware that it doesn’t exist, but I still feel in my heart that there has to be more to this. Something is missing from this equation that I can’t seem to pinpoint. All I now is that as a woman I should feel desired, admired, and cherished. It is hard not feeling whole. He has the kindest heart and even listening to his father tell his stories of heartbreak over lunch at Applebee’s,I could help but see the good qualities that I cherish in his son, but I also broke my heart because the woman he described that broke his sounded like me. It made me question myself in various way, but one that struck me was how shallow I feel for perhaps expecting too much. I’m not certain how to approach this. I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t want to feel like this anymore either. I want to stop hurting And to feel safely enveloped in loving arms. I feel like I’m once again asking to have my cake and eat it too. Are my expectations too high? Is this all that I deserve?


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