Burlington Bound! So excited to see my favorite people!
They say when shit happens, it happens in threes. Well, HOLY SHIT… Flat tires, Break up with the love of my life, Crispin leavin, and the losing my phone in a snow ditch after a plow came threw. holy Crap! The universe is out to test me. but luckily I apparently have a lucky charm. I feel bad for waking up Knight but had I not, my phone would be screwed and I never would have found it. Matt will get no sleep, Crispin is waiting on his plane as we speak, and my car in currently covered in mile of snow where it’s tires mean nothing in this weather. Alas… My phone is safe, my friend is starting his new adventure, Matt has purpose, my car is close by, and Knight obviously feels relieved to be free of me or he would have no reason to hide anything, aka locking his phone. Good for the world. Let it know I’ve taken what it can throw at me so far. I sure hope it has something good in mind soon.
And I have no idea what to do with myself. I feel lost. I’m still in shock. Did I mention I pulled into the wrong driveway when I got home? I didn’t even realize until I had walked up to the porch.But it was so hard to refuse him when his logic made sense and he seemed so calm about the situation. I had no will to fight anymore, so I let it go. There is no longer a Knight & Mina… or a future Miss Wagner, or the earthship. Its gone, ripped from my hands like someone ripping off the head of a child’s favorite toy. I’m not sure how to feel about any of it. I plan to mourn desperately and wallow in myself for a while, Two weeks for every six months is my rule. About a year and a half together, that’s about a month and a half to mourn. If he’s off running around with other women in that time I’ll double it. I may buy an entire bottle of champagne, drink it to myself why taking a bath in my clothes. Yep, sounds like the best plan of action…
There is beauty in the imbalance. Especially in the exquisite and inevitable chaos rendered from the attempt to be everything, to everybody, all at once.
Save water, shower with me. – My next pick up line
Went to a drag show last night. Was mesmerized by all the sparkles.
“Just listen to your compass. You have a very good vaginal compass.” #oneofherbetterquotes (My friends way of saying I have good taste in men)
“The reason so many people find this dynamic compelling is because of the core need to be–and feel–wanted. People really want to be perceived as truly irresistible, at least by somebody; that’s often why folks don’t recognize these signs as early abusive red flags.
There is such a driving, human need to be desired, and someone going to such lengths to pursue them and express this fervent desire is perceived as romantic, even though the realities of that are actually scary, rather than charming.”