Discovering our paths


What am amazing day. I passed right out and slept until 11. It was so wonderful to get to sleep in for once. I dolled up and headed to vocational rehab and disgussed with Joelle about perusing college again and it sounds like they would offer to help pay for schooling. Then I headed over to twisted Mics for an interview, and met a photographer that I think my sister could intern with. I can’t wait to give her the news. Surprisingly the owner I interviewed with was 24 years old and has a lot on his plate. I’m not sure how well the interview went but I hope he could find me to be an asset. 

Then over to Knights I went, excited to see him. He took me into the bedroom for a cuddle, but surprised me with a fun romp followed by tenderness. Somehow moving back in here makes a lot of sense. I feel we are on the same page, both looking to discover our path and ourselves. His arms still my favorite place to be. He even invited me to stay the night, and even though I really want to, I don’t think it wise to be blowing of Matt right now with as pissy as he has been with me. Jen thinks I should just cut ties, but I do care about the man and enjoy his company, but I need to figure out if there is a middle ground or if she’s right and I should just move on. Although I should know the answer to this already. Normally, from past experience, I just know. My intuition just screams it  from the mountain tops like when I met Knight, and here we are two years later and I still relish in his company, but with Matt I find myself getting defensive. He never understands my point of view and makes so many demands even though I’ve voiced my lack of interest in commitment. Not to mention he doesn’t forgive easily. For days after the incident were Andrew was forced to have to stay in the same bed with me because Jennifer didn’t trust him on the couch, aka easy access to her daughter, Matt has just continuously played the guilt card. Not to mention he’s not as nice as he once was. He snaps on me for little shit, or says I talk about Knight too much aka my ex, but the issue I have there is Knight is not only my ex, he’s my best friend, my rock and we have a very strong bond. So the fact that he is still involved in my life should not be an issue. His level of devotion has dropped and instead has been replaced with jealously and possessiveness. I come to find myself resenting him. I just need to realize I’m not going to be able to give him what he wants. Especially when my heart isn’t available to give away. Sorry dude, but your just a rebound that I have used to cope. So now I ponder what can I do to salvage his feelings and a potential friendship?