“Break my heart. Break it a thousand times if you like. It was only ever yours to break anyway.”
I legit just woke up.
ugh.. Bombed my diet over the weekend. *le sigh* okay, lets try again.
A smile is like tight underwear. It lifts your cheeks. :p
I know you’re mad, But I’m still here if you need me.
It was nice to have a day where I got to laugh a lot :)
“Okay, what’s 45 plus 45?” “90” “okay so what’s half of ninety?” – #didsheseriouslyjustsaythat #oneofherbetterquotes
I lost 6 pounds in two days…
Toxic, damaged, anger, spiteful. These are the things I think of when I think of possessive controlling boyfriends aka Matt.
Tuesday was the last day I saw him and I specifically stated that Wednesday I would be unavailable due to the fact that after I got off work at seven I would be driving directly to Muscatine to meet up with Brian so I could meet the gentleman and his following that I would be replacing karaoke at the brew for. Matt did contact me during this time and I sent a friendly video of me having a good time and the humourous songs the clientele was singing. I receive a reply saying “thats cool I’m drunk as fuck too.” Then, hours later another that says “Glad I texted you because if I didn’t I wouldn’t of heard from you. Go fucking figure!!!!!!!!!! Have a great fucking night… Peace Out.
Thursday I ignored him. I knew if I contacted him I would say something mean, so friday I text him back with “Are you going to still be mean to me or are you better?” His reply was “I wasn’t mean silly I just haven’t talked to you because I figured you were busy and I wasn’t sure what time you got back so I also thought you would be catching up on rest.” … … … WTF was that? It’s like he’s either in denial or avoids it all together refusing to admit his fault in the matter. I ask how it didn’t sound mean to him? and his only reply was “Idk, women are emotional.” I change the subject I let it go.
I had plans to take it easy by spending my last free and open weekend before I’m booked over every weekend of the summer gigging by unpacking and relaxing at home. But Friday night he contacted me wanting to go out. I said yes and said that it would take me about half an hour to get ready, but then he was like
“Ugh, but then that means I’ll have to take you home after because you don’t like to get up at 6:30 in the morning.”
“That would be ideal.”
“Well, do you just want to go out tomorrow?”
“You just told me you wouldn’t have the money after tonight.”
“Yeah, that’s true and Charlie said he didn’t want to go out so.”
“Well, we could just hang out tomorrow, no drinking involved.”
Then he blew up asking why I didn’t want to go out tonight and I said, “Because you just made it seem like an inconvenience to bring me!” and did a “FINE, FUCK IT.” then hung up.
Then texts “Fine, whatever. Have a good night. I don’t want to hear that I didn’t invite you out with me and whoever tonight. Sorry to be a bother.”
“I have no problem going out tonight, you’re the one who made it an inconvenience. It works out better anyway, because my sister just contacted me and wants to come over.”
9:32am: “Sorry about last night. I was just trying to find a way for all of use to hang out even though it was late and I have to work today that was all. I hope you have a good day today.”
Saturday I was supposed to meet up with him at 2, but when I called him he said he had already gone home and that he was going to be busy figuring out Joann the neighbors car. I said to contact me after. Nothing. So I called again around 6. Oh, well I have to go to this, this, this with Charlie. Okay contact me when your done. Nothing. I called later. Oh well, Charlie and his mom just dropped me off and went to go do laundry so I’m just waiting to hear back. Okay, well hit me up when you do. Nothing… About 11:30 I call with no answer, and I send a simple test “I’m Lonely.” He calls me up and invites me out to the Stockade with him and Charlie. I get dressed and head down, not really upset that they never called me to tell me what was up. I get down there in a good mood. Matt’s in a great mood, grabbing on my rear and making out with my face. I even felt up to a game of pool. After the game I head outside for a smoke and then Matt starts talking drunk.
“CHARLIE! I’m drunk and hungry, lets go get food.” Not sure why this upset Charlie, except that he was possibly trying to hit on bitches, which is weird because that is one ugly sob. But he runs off pissed. We go off to find him pacing on the side of the building. Matt drunkenly screaming how he wants his truck.
“No Matt, you don’t need your truck. I’m sober I can drive to go get food.”
“NO, I WANT MY FUCKING TRUCK, I’m SOBER!”
“You’re not sober, Matt. You’re not driving.”
We finally get to my car, but instead, Charlie veers to the left down the street back to the bars, and Matt veers right walking towards his house. I could have said fuck it and left. In fact I was tempted to, but then I said, Fuck it. I’m going back to the bar to have fun. I run into Charlie at the Chinese food stand and tell him where Matt went.
“Nah, lets go get him.”
Fine, we get in my car and find him walking. Put him in my back seat where he proceeds to COMPLAIN. “I’M SITTING IN A FUCKING BACK SEAT, I WANT MY FUCKING TRUCK!” We make the same arguments but I proceed to drive and I ask “where do you want to eat? How’s village inn sound?” I turn onto locust and make it less than a block before Matt’s constant nagging hits a cord. I hastily turn around. I was not about to go up into a public restaurant with this BS. I Pull up to his house and inform him that if he got of the car I was done, he said whatever and got out, that he only wanted his “FUCKING TRUCK.” I let him out, Charlie said he’d talk to him. Then I get these following texts from Charlie of Matt venting and it being transcript to words, with an in between where I called and tried to explain myself, but apparently they were too immature to understand.
Sun 1:27 Charlie: am I hope and pray you would be a little bit mad but at least a little f****** bitch dude cuz it is the most f****** the most f****** uncomfortable she might go home she might be pissed but you know what does she go home if she goes home as she goes home pissed off you know what I would like to know why because you know what all the drinking she got tonight not cost her time I invited her out tonight to hang out with me and you to get her out of the f****** house you think she you think she takes it in any consideration of that at all no she don’t know if she did she would it be a f****** bitch like you just was I guarantee you she’s going to go home to f****** night in kind of one she’s going to f****** whine and cry to him you can’t tell me she’s not because she’s living with the mother f***** dude
now do you get it bro now do you understand where I’m coming from now do you want to do you know why I’m so tired of busting my ass I spent a hundred bucks on her card I spent a hundred bucks between her car and my truck I f****** bust my ass replace your water pump too so she would go f****** out of town and do her f****** games and make money and do what the f*** ever in between and not ask any f****** questions
so yeah just like living with night she left her best friend Jennifer leaving her hanging to go back with her ex boyfriend night the one she was with and she has balls enough to leave him to be with me but go back to him and live with him and expect me to be okay and be fine and f****** be on at her beck and call and fix your f****** s*** for nothing now you know why I’m stressed now you don’t do you know where I come from now you don’t bust my ass man I spent more money in her f****** car then f****** her and night has put together combine and she wants to be a bitch to trying to be a bitch something tonight come on bro come on man f*** I understand that is pretty f****** s*****
yeah bro it sounds like she’s playing you for way too long it’s just time to move the f*** on because I wouldn’t put up with that s*** knowing that somebody that she had a past with was sleeping in the same bed with her while I had to be on the f****** couch I would have f****** murdered that mother f***** in her apartment just f****** saying what the f*** is that s*** that is some nasty download f****** s*** bull f****** cock eat poop it’s a key just a big f****** bitch
that’s not a fiddle hey diddle diddle Charlie had his curds and whey but he won’t go to the f****** candy mountain f*** that s***
Some people like to have their cake and eat it too well you can have the whole f****** cake icing and all endearment down your f****** throat that’s f****** s*** second n**** s*** f*** off
When you put it all in perspective there is no miss innocent more like Miss b***** ality
Don’t bother contacting me or matt I’m erasing you out of my phone right now
Sun 228am Matt: I’m done your not as incident as you make your self out to be
So its Tuesday now and I have heard nothing. I won’t deny that it hurt, but surprisingly it wasn’t the break up that hurt, no that was a favor he did me, but I don’t quite understand what I did to be so hated on. He willingly did all the work on my car (As in he offered, I didn’t ask), which I’m even prepared to pay him back for once my finances are back in order (AKA the main reason I moved back in with Knight.) Secondly, I didn’t leave Jennifer hanging. In fact, I provided her with a roommate who I believe she will get along with very well and will be able to provide better than me as well be a clean freak “know it all” like she is. I’m assumes in several months time they should be the best of friends. Lastly I SURE AS SHIT did not leave Knight for him. No, he was just my tag along puppy after the break up, and I even told him I wasn’t ready and wanted my space and freedom which he did not respect which lead to him become a rebound and the reason everything also went south. I apologized for the Andrew episode, when everything started going to shit, but when you consider it all, I didn’t have much choice if my roommate wasn’t going to allow him to sleep on the couch for fear of this stranger molesting her daughter, then the only other place was in my room. It was on the spot, I had no other option, I said it wouldn’t happen again, but instead he got hateful and everything went to shit. Then he decided to wonder why I would rather move back with my ex instead of him? Well, umm RED FLAGS, why would I move from simmering tub to the frying pan? I’m not stupid. So, perhaps I did use him, but not without it weighing on my conscience. I figure in several months time I’ll return his pants with a note of gratitude for his help and give him money for his services. And besides, how is it not hard to leave a man when he’s telling you that you are his everything and the best thing to happen in his life? Of course he obviously didn’t feel the same in the end, which I’m almost glad for so hopefully he’ll be able to move on with his life easier. I guess what I’m trying to say is I did try to do right by him while attempting to do right by me as well. But the hateful words hurts and I can’t seem to shake them. Out of everyone I’ve dated this only makes boyfriend # 2 to ever hate me. I hope someday he’ll find it in his heart to forgive me.
Mumbling is a lot like talking in cursive.