Need a Little more for “me”

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Since Zack moved out my life has been more manageable. I feel less stressed out and more productive. Been getting distracted by staying on the internet too much though. But I won’t hold it against myself, as I feel I needed a lot of “me” time to catch up on.

I find myself missing my upstairs apartment more and more. Ronnie (the roommate) is a total downer and I feel she just fills the house with negative toxic energy. I find myself wishing either she or Garret will move out so I can escape her terrible aura. I feel if I was able to move back upstairs I’d be able to focus more on me without the burden of the rest of the world. I’ve spent too much of my life being reliant on others for company, but I think it’s finally time. I think I’m ready to face it on my own and if I were to get lonely I could simply come downstairs and spend time with Knight and Kristina. Speaking of Knight, I’m not sure I’ve mentioned that he has a new girlfriend. A while back he and I had a talk. He is my person, but he also deserves to find “his” person and I just wasn’t able to provide that for him. Although I didn’t like her in the beginning, it was for selfish reasons. She hooked up with him months after we parted ways. Not that they slept together was the problem, the problem was that I wasn’t over him and she was attempting to befriend me when, so it seemed like a bitch slap against girl code, but after a while I realized I needed to let Knight move on and be happy, so I found myself a rebound (Zack the handful) and not long after Kristina and Knight became an item. The longer I what their relationship the more at peace I become. Seeing Knight happy is so uplifting to me. He has been a wonderful person in my life and to see him enjoying himself more is a very big relief. They laugh, watch wrestling, go out and about, and have more sex than I ever thought him capable of. I’m happy for him. If someone and complicated as Knight can manage to find some medium of happiness, perhaps once I spend time dating myself for a while and figuring out what and who I want in this life, maybe I have a fighting chance of discovering it as well. In the meantime, it’s going to be a busy holiday.

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