So Long Party Girl


That moment when you realize you’re outgrowing your “Party Girl” lifestyle. Although its been months since I’ve voiced my thoughts out to anything or anyone other than my therapist, I think I needed that time to figure some things out simply by living them. Recent chains of events have been occurring such as meeting a man with eye contact so alluring I could have gotten myself off just by staring at him. After some time to discover more about him, I because intimidated and realized he is out of my league, which was such a depressing thought. Me, the life of any party, wasn’t good enough. I could never be with this man because inside I felt he was too good for me. My insecurity would get the best of me surely. I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I didn’t feel like much of a catch. When I look in the mirror and realize how unflattering my body is and I only get away with so much due to my outgoing personality which I rely on booze to compensate for, my musical talent, and my desperate attempt at attention by wearing outlandish costumes. I have finally realized its time to make a change. I’m giving up booze for 30 days. Going to attempt to stick to a low carb diet or at least healthier foods, and Justin has managed to get me to start vaping. It will be a process, but I think I’m finally ready to change. So long childhood, I’m ready.

“There comes a point when you start to feel like you’ve sat on one too many rooftops, puffed one too many Marlboro Reds with one too many drugged-up friends and you realize this life is as shallow as tumblers of watered-down vodka. It’s vacuous and dry. -Once the party is over in your party-girl soul, it’s over forever. You want something more tangible — a career — something to be proud of. You want to complete projects and gain respect from superiors, not complete drinks and gain the respect of bouncers.” – Gigi Engle

“Was this my wake-up call? Being a party girl is about being surrounded by people, but it’s really a very lonely pursuit.” “Despite all the eyeliner and high heels and blow jobs, being a party girl is really about extending your childhood, by hiding under the cover of what a child’s idea of being an adult is like. Being a party girl is a way of putting off figuring out who you are, what you believe, what your values are. Most days, I think of the time I wasted as a tragedy — the books I could have written! The trips I could have taken! The non-philandering guys I could have dated! — but sometimes, I think I needed that extra time. If I had gone directly from my childhood into adulthood, I don’t think I would have liked the adult I would have become.” –