An overall good day. Woke up early to my alarm and was dressed, ready, and prepared to help my grandmother down at the train depot to volunteer for helping fundraise for renovations. She seemed very impressed that I actually showed considering I’m not the most reliable of people. But I’m trying to prove the world otherwise and that I can do right by Deseree. Mom’s old futon is ours for the taking and Grandma was even kind enough to let us store it in her garage until we move since Wendy was bitching about there being no room on the porch or attic for it which is such a load of crock if they would just move some of the kids shit out-of-the-way. I helped serve drinks and pizza and even saw some people I knew. Made friends with the staff and everyone seemed very amused with my energy as I was continuously dancing. Grandma was in a tough bind and was super busy so I know she was very impressed with me when I brought down a rig so we could play music. My CD player still won’t read so I guess the dime must have done some damage. Guess I’ll have to get that looked at next time I’m in Davenport.
As for Knight, he seems busy. Didn’t think he’d say hi friday so I made the first effort, though I like it when he does as it lets me know I’m in his thoughts, but I can understand being preoccupied also. It’s almost the end of the month and I haven’t found… … a hook up. But there is one gentleman who contacted me and was inquiring about meeting up at the end of next week. His name is Mark. He’s 38, tall, dark, and handsome, a suit and tie business guy, educated, successful, and classy. He’s going through a divorce, and apparently travels on his job, so he comes to the area on occasion. I figure I’ll meet him and see if anything comes of it. I don’t want Knight to think this Openness is one-sided. Though I’m not really in need of anything because I feel quite satisfied where I’m at, I don’t want that to be questioned in the future and will attempt to exercise my rights of the agreement. I do find myself getting jealous, so I also feel that If I do this, I’ll have more of the mentality of “Well, I do it too”. I guess I just can’t shake that he seems to need others, when for the first time I don’t feel that way. My eyes don’t even stray. I have to force the fact. I seem to talk of nothing else but him, and its sad because my friends seemed irritated with my recent happiness. Kayla just bitches about being pregnant and how Graham won’t do a damn thing to be helpful, though I feel that’s her own damn fault because she doesn’t let him feel like a man. Instead she insults him regularly. And Lindy, I know she tries to be happy for me, but in her current state of what feels like a really sad divorce between her and Nik, I can’t help but see a sadness that she wishes she could find what she needs in someone else. I told her about the Law of Attraction, (and not in the cheesy “The Secret“) kind of way. There are way better references out there for that sort of topic. But the biggest thing I’ve noticed is I started asking for things and I’ve gotten results. It all started with Knight, eating lunch at La Travola with Patrick and I told him dead on for the first time what I wanted. I wanted someone kind and supportive with a good head on their shoulders like Andrew, but the Passion I had with Kip. After taking time to heal from my breakup, dating around a bit with absolutely no interest except, perhaps a rebound, then Knight walked around the corner and my heart hasn’t stopped fluttering since. Or about school. I said, I want a degree. I want a steady job so I can stop worrying and not have to suffer through another wine gard, or even though Hyvee‘s not bad, I’m much more qualified than this. Im a computer bad ass and I’m stuck in a freezer tossing salads. *in all forms of the joke* :P So now I’m back in school. At the time I picked Muscatine it had no reasons what so ever to do with Knight, and yet that seems to be now in my favor. (A sign of Serendipity I assume). I wanted to be close to my sister again, and after ten years apart it’s becoming like we were never away from each other. She has always been my pride and joy and always looked to me. Now in the current situation she is coming to me again, wanting to escape and have a grand adventure along with it. I wanted a band. I posted an ad months and months ago with no response. Then I receive a message from a band in Muscatine (Another sign). (which was the one I said, okay I’m doing this) They are onry and professional still. They want to do the genre’s of music I want to do, AND they don’t play so damn loud I can’t hear myself sing. I’m a happy camper. I told Knight I was considering my own apartment, then a stoke of fate, Marcus upstairs moves out. Knight can keep it affordable, I can make it more “rentable” for in the future for him, there is plenty of space for my sister and I, and it has the two things I’ve always wanted. Black cabinets and a walk in closet. I was thrilled. I would move in as is, but I know I’ll have to make improvements to keep the family happy as I do have Deseree to think about. She’s really excited about having a place to call ours. Its fun having something to Hope for again, to dream about. I only have two issues. ONE: My job situation, do I stay with Hyvee and ask them to transfer and if so how long will that take? or do I put in a two-week notice (and when do I do that?) and attempt to find something in administration? I’m not sure. I guess I just need to continue to be grateful and not worry as things always work out in the end. It’s hard as a female to shut off the worry switch. That’s why I’m glad to have Knight. He calms me down and makes the world make sense for a change. I really do love him. We can be as imperfect as we like and that in its way is perfection for me. No judging, no expectations, just living and trying our best to find happiness. That’s all I ever asked for.